Skip to main content

USS Bill Clinton facts

USS Bill Clinton

Sunday July 2nd '06 Vancouver ,  BC , Headed for Seattle , WA .The US Navy welcomed the latest member of its fleet.

Pictured above:

The USS William Jefferson Clinton (CVS1) set sail today from its home port of Vancouver , BC.

  
The ship is the first of its kind in the Navy and is a standing legacy to President Bill Clinton "for his foresight in military budget cuts" and his conduct while president.  The ship is constructed nearly entirely from recycled aluminum and is completely solar powered with a top speed of 5 knots. It boasts an arsenal comprised of one (unarmed) F14 Tomcat or one (unarmed) F18 Hornet aircraft which although  they cannot be launched or captured on the 100 foot flight deck, but form a very menacing presence.

As a standing order there are no firearms allowed on board. The 20 person crew is completely diversified, including members of all races, creeds, sex, and sexual orientation. This crew, like the crew aboard the USS Jimmy Carter, is specially trained to avoid conflicts and appease any and all enemies of the United States at all costs. 

An onboard Type One DNC Universal Translator can send out messages of apology in any language to anyone who may find America offensive. The number of apologies are limitless and though some may sound  hollow and disingenuous, the Navy advises all apologies will sound very  sincere.

The ship's purpose is not defined so much as a unit of national defense, but instead in times of conflict the USS Clinton has orders to seek refuge in Canada
 . The ship may be positioned near the Democratic National Party Headquarters for photo-ops and can be used extensively for social experimentation and whatever other worthless jobs the ex-commander-in-chief and his wife can think of.   

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Male logic joke

*This is a story which is perfectly logical to all males:*   A wife asks her husband, "Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk, and if they have eggs, get 6."   A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk.  The wife asks him, "Why the hell did you buy 6 cartons of milk?"   He replied, "They had eggs."

Funny dog pictures - If Dogs Worked in Offices

Share this here:

Earth's wobble causes global warming

EARTH’S WOBBLE CAUSES GLOBAL WARNING, NOT CO2 EMISSIONS OR OCEAN CURRENTS, PER TEAM HEADED BY OSU RESEARCHER Digital Journal, “Debate Ends on Central Cause of Earth’s Cooling & Warming,” 8 Aug 2009; Space Daily, “Ice Ages Linked to Slight Shifts in Solar Radiation,” 24 Aug 2009; The Kiplinger Letter, “Climate Change Legislation, What it Means to Business,” 18 Aug 2009. As the carbon dioxide management bill - aka cap and trade - looms in Congress, a new study from Oregon State University emerges that ends the scientific debate on the central causes of ice ages and warming periods on Earth. Former U.S. Vice President Al Gore is fond of saying that the scientific debate on global warming is over - and while he may now be correct in the fact that a debate has come to an end, the central cause behind climate change does not support the carbon cap legislation that is being cobbled together by Mr. Gore and his Democratic allies in the U.S. Congress. The ear