Wednesday, October 22, 2014

Lists: 12 things not to say to a cop


  1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer. (OK in Texas ) 
  2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in. 
  3. Aren't you the guy from the Village People? 
  4. Hey, you must have been doing about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job! 
  5. Are You Andy or Barney? 
  6. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer. 
  7. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you? 
  8. I pay your salary! 
  9. Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave ! me a warning, too! 
  10. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does. 
  11. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around.. That's how far ahead of me they are. 
  12. When the Officer says "Gee Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?" You probably shouldn't respond with,"Gee Officer your eyes look glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?" 

Thursday, October 16, 2014

List: five simple rules to be happy

Remember the five simple rules to be happy: 
  1. Free your heart from hatred - Forgive. 
  2. Free your mind from worries - Most never happen. 
  3. Live simply and appreciate what you have. 
  4. Give more. 
  5. Expect less. 

Monday, October 13, 2014

Mitt Romney's Obama joke

President Obama went to the bank to cash a check and he didn't have his ID. And the teller said you've got to prove who you are.
He said, “How should I do that?” She said the other day Phil Mickelson came in, he ddidn'thave his ID but he set up a little cup on the ground, took a golf ball, putted it right into that cup so they knew it was Phil Mickelson. They cashed his check.
And then Andre Agassi came in. And Andre Agassi didn't have his ID either. He put a little target on the wall, took a tennis ball and racquet– hit it onto that target time. We knew that was Andre Agassi so we cashed his check.
And she said to him, “Is there anything you can do to prove who you are?” And [Obama] said, “I don’t have a clue.”
And she said, “Well, Mr. President, do you want your money in small bills or large bills.”

Pictures: Photoshop fun

Friday, October 10, 2014

List: Six facts about raising children

1. You spend the first two years of their life teaching them to walk and talk.  Then you spend the next sixteen telling them to sit down and shut up.
2. Grandchildren are God's reward for not killing your own children.
3. Mothers of teens now know why some animals eat their young.
4. Children seldom misquote you.  In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.
5. The main purpose of holding children's parties is to remind yourself that there are children more awful than your own.
6. We childproofed our homes, but they are still getting in.

Thursday, October 9, 2014

Socialism lesson

An economics professor at a local college made a statement that he had never failed a single student before, but had recently failed an entire class. That class had insisted that Obama's socialism worked and that no one should be poor and no one should be rich, a great equalizer.

The professor then said, "OK, we will have an experiment in this class on Obama's plan". All grades will be averaged and everyone will receive the same grade so no one will fail and no one will receive an A.... (substituting grades for dollars - something closer to home and more readily understood by all).

After the first test, the grades were averaged and everyone got a B. The students who studied hard were upset and the students who studied little were happy. As the second test rolled around, the students who studied little had studied even less and the ones who studied hard decided they wanted a free ride too so they studied little.

The second test average was a D! No one was happy. 

When the 3rd test rolled around, the average was an F.

As the tests proceeded, the scores never increased as bickering, blame and name-calling all resulted in hard feelings and no one would study for the benefit of anyone else.

To their great surprise, ALL FAILED and the professor told them that socialism would also ultimately fail because 
when the reward is great, the effort to succeed is great, but when government takes all the reward away, no one will try or want to succeed.