Thursday, October 30, 2014

Pictures: Photoshop fun








Monday, October 27, 2014

Jokes: Marriage joke



40 years
Of marriage.. 


A married couple in their early 60s are celebrating their
40th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic
Little restaurant.
 

Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table.

She said, 'For being such an exemplary married
Couple and for being loving to each other for
All this time, I will grant you each a wish.'

The wife answered, 'Oh, I want to travel around the world
With my darling husband.'
 

The fairy waved her magic wand and - poof! - two
Tickets for the Queen Mary II appeared in her
Hands.

The husband thought for a moment:
'Well, this is all very romantic, but an
Opportunity like this will never come again. I'm
Sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30
Years younger than me.'
 

The wife, and the fairy, were deeply disappointed,
But a wish is a wish.

So the fairy waved her magic wand and
Poof!...
 

The husband became 92 years old.

The moral of this story: 

Men who are ungrateful jerks should
Remember fairies are female
...... 

Wednesday, October 22, 2014

Lists: 12 things not to say to a cop

NEVER SAY TO A COP


  1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer. (OK in Texas ) 
  2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in. 
  3. Aren't you the guy from the Village People? 
  4. Hey, you must have been doing about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job! 
  5. Are You Andy or Barney? 
  6. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer. 
  7. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you? 
  8. I pay your salary! 
  9. Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave ! me a warning, too! 
  10. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does. 
  11. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around.. That's how far ahead of me they are. 
  12. When the Officer says "Gee Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?" You probably shouldn't respond with,"Gee Officer your eyes look glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?" 

Thursday, October 16, 2014

List: five simple rules to be happy

Remember the five simple rules to be happy: 
  1. Free your heart from hatred - Forgive. 
  2. Free your mind from worries - Most never happen. 
  3. Live simply and appreciate what you have. 
  4. Give more. 
  5. Expect less. 

Monday, October 13, 2014

Mitt Romney's Obama joke

President Obama went to the bank to cash a check and he didn't have his ID. And the teller said you've got to prove who you are.
He said, “How should I do that?” She said the other day Phil Mickelson came in, he ddidn'thave his ID but he set up a little cup on the ground, took a golf ball, putted it right into that cup so they knew it was Phil Mickelson. They cashed his check.
And then Andre Agassi came in. And Andre Agassi didn't have his ID either. He put a little target on the wall, took a tennis ball and racquet– hit it onto that target time. We knew that was Andre Agassi so we cashed his check.
And she said to him, “Is there anything you can do to prove who you are?” And [Obama] said, “I don’t have a clue.”
And she said, “Well, Mr. President, do you want your money in small bills or large bills.”

Pictures: Photoshop fun