Tuesday, December 16, 2014

How the stock market works

Once upon a time in a village, a man appeared and announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for $10 each. 

The villagers, seeing that there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest, and started catching them. The man bought thousands at $10 and as supply started to diminish, the villagers stopped their effort. 

He further announced that he would now buy at $20.  This renewed the efforts of the villagers and they
 started catching monkeys again. Soon the supply diminished even further and people started going back to their farms. The offer increased to $25 each and the supply of monkeys became so little that it was an effort to even see a monkey, let alone catch it!  

The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at $50! However, since he had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would now buy on behalf of him. 

In the absence of the boss, the assistant told the villagers. "Look at all these monkeys in the big cage that my boss has collected. I will sell them to you at $35 and when my boss returns from the city, you can sell them to him for $50 each." 

The villagers rounded up with all their savings and bought all the monkeys. The assistant promptly disappeared, the boss never returned, and there were worthless monkeys everywhere!

Now you have a better understanding of how the stock market works.
The real measure of your wealth is how much you'd be worth if you lost all your money.

Jokes: Bedroom stories

Friday, December 12, 2014

Church signs

New Church Signs

Life is not the way it's supposed to be.  It's the way it is.  The way we cope with it, is what makes the difference.  

Bears: how not to release a bear

Monday, December 8, 2014

When a soldier comes home

When a soldier comes home, he finds it hard.... 
....to keep from laughing when anxious parents say they're afraid to send their kids off to summer camp.    
....to remain calm when his daughter complains about having to walk the dog. 
....to control his frustration when a colleague gripes about his coffee being cold.   
....to keep a straight face when people complain about potholes.
to be tolerant of people who complain about the hassle of getting ready for work

....to be forgiving when someone says how hard it is to have a new baby in the house. 
.....to be civil to people who complain about their jobs.   
....to just walk away when someone says they only get two weeks of vacation a year.   
..to be silent when people pray to God for a new car. 
..to be compassionate when a businessman expresses a fear of flying. 
..to listen to his son whine about being bored. 
...to control his panic when his wife tells him he needs to drive slower. 
...to be understanding when a co-worker complains about a bad night's sleep.
....to keep from ridiculing someone who complains about hot weather.  

The only thing harder than being a Soldier..  
Is loving one.

Thursday, December 4, 2014

Politics: How to catch wild pigs

There was a Chemistry professor in a large college that had
some exchange students in the class. One day while the class was in the lab the professor noticed one young man (exchange student) who kept rubbing his back and stretching as if his back hurt.

The professor asked the young man what was the matter. The
student told him he had a bullet lodged in his back. He had been shot while fighting communists in his native country who were trying to overthrow his country's government and install a new communist government.

In the midst of his story he looked at the professor and asked a strange question.

He asked, " Do you know how to catch wild pigs?"

The professor thought it was a joke and asked for the punch line.

The young man said this was no joke.
"You catch wild pigs by finding a suitable place! in the
woods and putting corn on the ground. The pigs find it and begin to come everyday to eat the free corn.

When they are used to coming every day, you put a fence down one side of the place where they are used to coming. When they get used to the fence, they begin to eat the corn again and you put up another side of the fence.

They get used to that and start to eat again.

You continue until you have all four sides of the fence up with a gate in the last side. the pigs, who are used to the free corn, start to come through the gate to eat, you slam the gate on them and catch the whole herd.

Suddenly the wild pigs have lost their freedom. They run around and around inside the fence, but they are caught.
Soon they go back to eating the free corn. They are so used to it that they have forgotten how to forage in the woods for themselves, so they accept their captivity.

The young man told the professor that it is exactly what he
sees happening to America. The government keeps pushing us toward socialism and keeps spreading the free corn out in the form of programs such as supplemental income, tax credit for unearned income, tobacco subsidies, dairy subsidies, payments not to plant crops (CRP), welfare,
medicine, drugs, etc. while we continually lose our freedoms- just a little at a time.

(One should always remember, "There is no such thing as a free lunch" and "you can never hire someone to provide
a service for you cheaper than you can do it yourself.")