Sunday, January 27, 2013

Sorry joke

At primary school I had an odd teacher who, if you did something wrong, would make you write a letter of apology to him. If it was really bad, you'd have to write several. 

I was new and didn't really understand the point when I did something wrong and was told to write five
letters of apology. 

Not understanding, I wrote "S O R R Y" 

He went balistic on me, of course, while I stood there wondering what his problem was. 

"But you said five letters! There are five letters!"

Acts 2:38 Bible joke

A woman had just returned to her home from an evening of church services when she was startled by an intruder. She caught the man in the act of robbing her home of its valuables and yelled: 'Stop! Acts 2:38!' (i.e., Repent and be Baptized, in the name of Jesus Christ, so that your sins may be forgiven.) 

The burglar stopped dead in his tracks. The woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done.

As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he asked the burglar: 'Why did you just stand there? All the old lady did was yell scripture to you.'

'Scripture?' replied the burglar. 'She said she had an Axe and Two 38s!' 

Senior Citizen Joke

A little silver-haired lady calls her neighbor and says, "Please come over here and help me.
I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started."

Her neighbor asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"

little silver haired lady says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster."

Her neighbor decides to go over and help with the puzzle.

She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.

He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says,

"First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster."

He takes her hand and says, "Secondly, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then," he said with a deep sigh ............

(scroll down)

"Let's put all the Corn Flakes back in the box."

Gun control jokes

A reporter did a human-interest piece on the Texas Rangers.  The reporter recognized the Colt Model 1911 the Ranger was carrying and asked him "Why do you carry a 45?"  The Ranger responded, "Because they don't make a 46."


The old sheriff was attending an awards dinner when a lady commented on his wearing his sidearm.  "Sheriff, I see you have your pistol.  Are you expecting trouble?"  He promptly replied, "No Ma'am.  If I were expecting trouble, I would have brought my shotgun."


I was once asked by a lady visiting if I had a gun in the house?  I said I did.  She said, "Well I certainly hope it isn't loaded!"  To which I said, "Of course it is loaded; it can't work without bullets!"  She then asked, "Are you that afraid of someone evil coming into your house?"  My reply was, "No, not at all.  I am not afraid of the house catching fire either, but I have fire extinguishers around, and they are all loaded too."

Gun control pictures

Friday, January 25, 2013

Mens underwear - frontal enhancement pants

Guys, these underpants will enable you to fool the ladies about how big you are down there. They might help you to earn respect at the office as well. Maybe even get you a promotion!

Ladies, would this get you excited?

Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Household tips - re-purpose old stuff

Upcycle Old Light Bulbs Into Candles 
Use Old Books as Shelves
 Repurpose Old Barrels Into a Drum Set 
 Use Old Lego Pieces As a Key Holder
Turn An Old Bathtub Into a Love Seat 
 Use Your Old Computer Tower as a Mail Box
 Use Paperclips to Organize Your Cables 
 Repurpose an Old Suitcase Into a Medicine Cabinet
 Turn an Old Mini Fridge Into a TV Stand and Storage Unit 
 Reuse Old Kleenex Boxes as Bag Dispensers
 Use An Old Hanging Shoe Rack to Organize Your Pantry

 Repurpose a Card Catalogue Into a Mini Bar 
Turn Old Bulletin Boards into a Jewelery Organizer
 Turn Old Tennis Rackets Into Mirrors 
 Turn Old Credit Cards Into Guitar Picks
 Create a Window Cover Using Old Picture Slides 
 Use Old Books to Create a Desk 
 Turn Old Wrenches Into Wall Hooks 
 Use Old CD Cases to Store and Organize Cables
 Turn an Old Bike Into a Bathroom Counter 
 Use a Pipe with Valves as a Coat Rack
 Use Old Picture Frame Corners Like Tiles

 Upcycle Old Mugs, Bottles and Bowls Into Light Fixtures
Reuse Ketchup Bottles as a Pancake Squirter 
Repurpose Old CD Holders Into A Bagel Storage Device  
 Fill a Box With Skewers and it Becomes an All-Purpose Knife Block
Turn an Old Door Frame Into a Coffee Table 
Transform a Chair into a Towel Rack and Shelf 

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