Monday, December 24, 2012

The Campaign: 10+ Things I Learned Watching The Campaign with Will Ferrell and Zach Galifianakis

  1. You can get used to the smell of a port a potty.
  2. Can't is the real c word.
  3. People can crap gold.
  4. To make your farts glow, put a fire fly in your butt hole.
  5. A snake bite can give you an erection.
  6. Nobody can force you to live in Rainbowland.
  7. To improve your approval rating, try making a sex tape with your opponent's wife and putting it on TV.
  8. Drew Carey drives some women to touch themselves.
  9. There is an alternate version of the prayer "Our Father".
  10. Nova Scotia is a country.
  11. Punching a baby and a dog will not prevent you from winning an election.

Friday, December 21, 2012

Depression tips - Five reasons to constrict your anus

This book says that constricting your anus and denting your navel 100 times in succession everyday is effective. Doing this will enable you to say good-bye to depression and take back your youth. 

Here are the top five reasons why you should take this advice:

  1. It can be done anywhere.
  2. Get rid of stress and say good bye to depression.
  3. It can give a good gun or good pliers to man or woman.
  4. It reverses the aging process.
  5. A healthy buttocks is a happy buttocks.
Someone please try this and post your results in the comment section.

            The Eye Test

            Can you find the two B’s?
            (DON’T skip, or your wishes won’t come true…) 


            Once you’ve found the B’s, find the 1… 






            Once youve found the 1, find the 6… 

            Once you've found the 6, find the N. (It’s hard!!) 


            Once youve found the N, find the Q... 


            Brain Exercise

            If you can read this OUT LOUD, you have a strong mind. And better than that: Alzheimer’s is a long, long, way down the road before it ever gets anywhere near you.

            very goodminds can read this. This is weird, but interesting!
            7H15 M3554G3
            53RV35 7O PR0V3
            H0W 0UR M1ND5 C4N
            D0 4M4Z1NG 7H1NG5!
            1MPR3551V3 7H1NG5!
            1N 7H3 B3G1NN1NG
            17 WA5 H4RD BU7
            N0W, 0N 7H15 LIN3
            Y0UR M1ND 1S
            R34D1NG 17
            W17H 0U7 3V3N
            7H1NK1NG 4B0U7 17,
            B3 PROUD! 0NLY
            C3R741N P30PL3 C4N
            R3AD 7H15.
            PL3453 F0RW4RD 1F
            U C4N R34D 7H15.
            If you can read this, you are one of the 55 people out of 100 who can.

            I cdnuolt blveiee that I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd what I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in what oerdr the ltteres in a word are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is that the frsit and last ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can still raed it whotuit a pboerlm. This is bcuseaethe huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the word as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! If you can raed this forwrad it 

            Crow joke

            Well, it is not a pretty story.... about 200 dead crows near Worcester, Mass and there was concern for Avian Flu.  They had a Bird Pathologist examine the remains of all the
            crows, and he confirmed the problem was definitely NOT Avian Flu, to everyone's relief. However, he determined that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact
            with trucks, and only 2% were killed by car impact. The city then hired a Ornithological Behaviourist to determine the disproportionate percentages for truck versus car kill.
            The Ornithological Behaviourist determined the cause in short order. When crows eat road kill, they always post a "look-out Crow" in a nearby tree, to warn of impending danger.
            His conclusion was that the lookout crow could say "Cah", but he could not say "Truck."

            Share this here:

            Sunday, December 9, 2012

            Hillbilly Wheelbarrow recliner

            Animals Do Get Married joke

            Holy e-mail Maxine joke

            One day God was looking down at
            earth and saw all of the rascally behavior
            that was going on... 

            So He called His angels and sent
            one to earth for a time. 

            When the angel returned,
            he told God,'Yes, it is bad on earth;
            95% are misbehaving and only
            5% are not.
            God thought for a moment and said,
            'Maybe I had better send down a second
            angel to get another opinion.' 

            So God called another angel and sent
            her to earth for a time. 

            When the angel returned she went to
            God and said, 'Yes, it's true. The earth
            is in decline; 95% are misbehaving,
            but 5% are being good...'
            God was not pleased. 

            So He decided to e-mail the 5%
            who were good, because he wanted to
            encourage them, and give them a little
            something to help them keep going.
            Do you know what the e-mail said? 

            Okay, I was just wondering,
            because I didn't get one either.

            Click here for more Maxine jokes like this.

            Random cute animal pictures

            Sister Mary Ann's Gasoline - joke

            Sister Mary Ann, who worked for a home health agency, was out making her rounds visiting homebound patients when she ran out of gas. As luck would have it, a Texaco Gasoline station was just a block away.

            She walked to the station to borrow a gas can and buy some gas. The attendant told her that the only gas can he owned had been loaned out, but she could wait until it was returned. Since Sister Mary Ann was on the way to see a patient, she decided not to wait and walked back to her car.
            She looked for something in her car that she could fill with gas and spotted the bedpan she was taking to the patient. Always resourceful, Sister Mary Ann carried the bedpan to the station, filled it with gasoline, and carried the full bedpan back to her car.

            As she was pouring the gas into her tank, two Baptists watched from across the street.. One of them turned to the other and said,

            'If it starts, I'm turning Catholic.'!!

            Helpful household tip of the day - Doritos

            Peacock in full flight pictures

             This is a rare opportunity for this. We never imagined that it could be so
            magnificent - like a phoenix in a fairy tale! Please save and share with
            good friends as it is not every day we can see such beauty!!!