Thursday, May 28, 2015

Redneck flat screen TV


Tuesday, May 26, 2015

Jokes: Poker Night

Two couples were playing poker one evening. John accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed Bill's wife Sue wasn't wearing any underwear under her dress! 

Shocked by this, John upon trying to sit back up again, hit his head on the table and emerged red-faced. Later, John went to the kitchen to get some refreshments. Bill's wife followed and asked, "Did you see anything that you liked under there?."

Surprised by her boldness, John courageously admitted that, well indeed he did. She said, "Well, you can have it but it will cost you $500." After taking a minute or two to assess the financial and moral costs of this offer, John confirms that he is interested. She tells him that since her husband Bill works Friday afternoons and John doesn't, John should be at her house around 2 PM Friday afternoon.

When Friday rolled around, John showed up at Bill's house at 2 PM sharp and after paying Sue the agreed sum of $500 they went to the bedroom and closed their transaction, as agreed. John quickly dressed and left.

As usual, Bill came home from work at 6pm and upon entering the house, asked his wife abruptly. "Did John come by the house this afternoon?" With a lump in her throat Sue answered "Why yes, he did stop by for a few minutes this afternoon."

Her heart nearly skipped a beat when her husband curtly asked, "And did he give you $500?"

In terror
 ,  she assumed that somehow he had found out and after mustering her best poker face, replied, "Well, yes, in fact he did give me $500."

Bill, with a satisfied look on his face, surprised his wife by saying ,
"Good, I was hoping he did. John came by the office this morning and borrowed $500 from me. He promised me he'd stop by our house this afternoon on his way home and pay me back."

Now THAT, my friends, is one HELL of a poker player.

Friday, May 22, 2015

Drilling in ANWR

FIRST. do you know what ANWR is?
ANWR = Arctic National Wildlife Refuge.
..
Now.  A comparison
And some perspective.
NOTE WHERE THE PROPOSED DEVELOPMENT AREA IS.
(it's in the "ANWR Coastal Plain")
THIS IS WHAT THE DEMOCRATS, LIBERALS AND "GREENS" SHOW YOU WHEN THEY TALK ABOUT ANWR
.and they are right. these ARE photographs of ANWR



ISN'T ANWR BEAUTIFUL?  WHY SHOULD WE DRILL HERE (AND DESTROY) THIS BEAUTIFUL PLACE?

WELL. THAT'S NOT EXACTLY THE TRUTH
Do you remember the map?
The map showed that the proposed drilling area is in the ANWR Coastal Plain
Do those photographs look like a coastal plain to you?
WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?

.
THE ANSWER IS SIMPLE.
THAT IS NOT WHERE THEY ARE WANTING TO DRILL!
THIS IS WHAT THE PROPOSED EXPLORATION AREA ACTUALLY LOOKS LIKE IN THE WINTER
AND THIS IS WHAT IT ACTUALLY LOOKS LIKE IN THE SUMMER


HERE ARE A COUPLE SCREEN SHOTS FROM GOOGLE EARTH

AS YOU CAN SEE, THE AREA WHERE THEY ARE TALKING ABOUT DRILLING IS A BARREN WASTELAND.
OH. AND THEY SAY THAT THEY ARE CONCERNED ABOUT THE EFFECT ON THE LOCAL WILDLIFE.
HERE IS A PHOTO (SHOT DURING THE SUMMER) OF THE
"DEPLETED WILDLIFE" SITUATION CREATED BY DRILLING AROUND 
PRUDHOE BAY*.
DON'T YOU THINK THAT THE CARIBOU REALLY HATE THAT DRILLING?
HERE'S THAT SAME SPOT DURING THE WINTER.
HEY, THIS BEAR SEEMS TO REALLY HATE THE PIPELINE NEAR PRUDHOE BAY*.
*The Prudhoe bay area accounts for 17% of U.S. domestic oil production
NOW, WHY DO YOU THINK THAT THE DEMOCRATS ARE LYING ABOUT ANWR?
REMEMBER WHEN AL GORE SAID THAT
THE GOVERNMENT SHOULD WORK TO ARTIFICIALLY RAISE GAS PRICES
TO $5.00 A GALLON?
WELL.
AL GORE AND HIS FELLOW DEMOCRATS HAVE ALMOST REACHED THEIR GOAL!
NOW THAT YOU KNOW THAT THE DEMOCRATS HAVE BEEN LYING,
WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT IT?
YOU CAN SENDING A LINK TO THIS TO EVERYONE YOU KNOW!
SO THAT THEY WILL KNOW THE TRUTH.

Friday, May 15, 2015

Successful people vs. Unsuccessful people


Rattlesnakes can bite after they are dead


Glass gets stronger underwater


Rats can't vomit


US postage stamps portraits


Ancient Egyptians


Leonardo Da Vinci


Elephants are pregnant for almost two years


Toothpicks are a choking hazard


Dolphin brains are bigger than humans


Adolf Hitler - Man of the Year in 1938


Spider blood is transparent


Cats can't taste sweet things


Pigeon feathers


Great Horned Owls eat skunks


Eel short-circuit


Bee sting mucsles


Five-card poker game possible hands


Telephone poles in Uganda and Kenya


Trivia about humans








Trivia about China




Armadillo facts



Money facts



Wednesday, May 13, 2015

H.L. Mencken quote

 H.L. Mencken (born 1880 - died 1956) was a journalist, satirist, critic and registered Democrat.

Mencken wrote the editorial below while working for the Baltimore Evening Sun:

As democracy is perfected, the office of the
President represents, more and more closely,
the inner soul of the people.
 On some great
and glorious day, the plain folks of the land
will reach their heart's desire at last and the
White House will
 be occupied by a downright
fool and complete narcissistic moron.
 
                                 -H.L.  Mencken, the Baltimore Evening Sun, July 26, 1920
 
So it was written, and so it has come to pass...

Monday, May 11, 2015

Red Skelton's tips on marriage

Red Skelton's tips on marriage
1. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage,  good food and companionship.
She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.

2. We also sleep in separate beds.
Hers is in California and mine is in Texas.

3. I take my wife everywhere.....but she keeps finding her way back.

4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary?
"Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.
So I suggested the kitchen.

5. We always hold hands.
If I let go, she shops.

6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker.
She said "There are too many gadgets and no place to sit down!"
So I bought her an electric chair.

7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor.
I asked where the car was; she told me "In the lake."

8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days.
Then the mud fell off.

9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling "Am I too late for the garbage?"  The driver said "No, jump in!"

10. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months.
I don't like to interrupt her.

11. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked "What's on the TV?"
I said "Dust!"

Can't you just hear him say all of these? I love it.........this is "the old days" when humor didn't have to start with a four letter word......just clean and simple fun!