Tuesday, September 30, 2014

Pictures: photoshop fun








Thursday, September 25, 2014

The Stranger (Be careful who you invite in to your home! )


 A few years after I was born, my Dad met a stranger who was new to our small Texas town.
From the beginning, Dad was fascinated with this enchanting newcomer and soon invited him to live with our family. The stranger was quickly accepted and was around from then on.
As I grew up, I never questioned his place in my family. In my young mind, he had a special niche.

My parents were complementary instructors:
Mom taught me good from evil, and Dad taught me to obey. But the stranger...he was our storyteller. He would keep us spellbound for hours on end with adventures, mysteries and comedies.

If I wanted to know anything about politics, history or science, he always knew the answers about the past, understood the present and even seemed able to predict the future! He took my family to the first major league ball game. He made me laugh, and he made me cry.

The stranger never stopped talking, but Dad didn't seem to mind.
Sometimes, Mom would get up quietly while the rest of us were shushing each other to listen to what he had to say, and she would go to the kitchen for peace and quiet. (I wonder now if she ever prayed for the stranger to leave.)

Dad ruled our household with certain moral convictions, but the stranger never felt obligated to honor them.

Profanity, for example, was not allowed in our home... Not from us, our friends or any visitors. Our longtime visitor, however, got away with four-letter words that burned my ears and made my dad squirm and my mother blush.

My Dad didn't permit the liberal use of alcohol but the stranger encouraged us to try it on a regular basis. He made cigarettes look cool, cigars manly and pipes distinguished. He talked freely (much too freely!) about sex. His comments were sometimes blatant, sometimes suggestive, and generally embarrassing.

I now know that my early concepts about relationships were influenced strongly by the stranger. Time after time, he opposed the values of my parents, yet he was seldom rebuked... And NEVER asked to leave.

More than fifty years have passed since the stranger moved in with our family. He has blended right in and is not nearly as fascinating as he was at first. Still, if you could walk into my parents' den today, you would still find him sitting over in his corner, waiting for someone to listen to him talk and watch him draw his pictures.


His name?....
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
We just call him, "TV." 


He has a wife now....We call her "Computer."
They have an offspring that we call "Cell phone."


* *Note: This should be required reading for every household in America!**

Wednesday, September 24, 2014

Joke: QA Engineer

A QA Engineer walks into a bar. 

Orders a beer. 

Orders 0 beers. 

Orders 999999999 beers. 

Orders a lizard. 

Orders -1 beers. 

Orders a sfdeljknesv.


Tuesday, September 23, 2014

Pictures: Halloween pumpkins









The price of children

The price of children

This is just too good not to pass on to all. Something absolutely positive for a change. I have seen the breakdown of the cost of raising a child, but this is the first time I have seen the rewards listed this way. It's nice.


The government recently calculated the cost of raising a child from birth to 18 and came up with $160,140 for a middle income family. Talk about sticker shock! That doesn't even touch college tuition. But $160,140 isn't so bad if you break it down. It translates into:


* $8,896.66 a year,


* $741.38 a month, or


* $171.08 a week.


* That's a mere $24.24 a day!


* Just over a dollar an hour.


Still, you might think the best financial advice is, "Don't have children if you want to be rich." Actually, it is just the opposite.


What do you get for your $160,140?


* Naming rights. First, middle, and last!


* Glimpses of God every day.


* Giggles under the covers every night.


* More love than your heart can hold.


* Butterfly kisses and Velcro hugs.


* Endless wonder over rocks, ants, clouds, and warm cookies.


* A hand to hold, usually covered with jelly or chocolate.


* A partner for blowing bubbles, flying kites.


* Someone to laugh yourself silly with, no matter what the boss said or how your stocks performed

that day.



For $160,140, you never have to grow up. You get to


* finger-paint,


* carve pumpkins,


* play hide-and-seek,


* catch lightning bugs, and


* never stop believing in Santa Claus.


You have an excuse to


* keep reading the Adventures of Piglet and Pooh,


* watching Saturday morning cartoons,


* going to Disney movies, and


* wishing on stars.


* You get to frame rainbows, hearts, and flowers under refrigerator magnets and collect spray painted noodle wreaths for Christmas, hand prints set in clay for Mother's Day, and cards with backward letters for Father's Day.




For $160,140, there is no greater bang for your buck. You get to be a hero just for


* retrieving a Frisbee off the garage roof,


* taking the training wheels off a bike,


* removing a splinter,


* filling a wading pool,


* coaxing a wad of gum out of bangs, and coaching a baseball team that never wins but always gets

treated to ice cream regardless.


You get a front row seat to history to witness the


* first step,


* first word,


* first bra,


* first date, and


* first time behind the wheel.




You get to be immortal. You get another branch added to your family tree, and if you're lucky, a long list of limbs in your obituary called grandchildren and great grandchildren. You get an education in psychology, nursing, criminal justice,communications, and human sexuality that no college can match. In the eyes of a child, you rank right up there under God. You have all the power to heal a boo-boo, scare away the monsters under the bed, patch a broken heart, police a slumber party, ground them forever, and love them without limits, So . one day they will, like you, love without counting the cost. That is quite a deal for the price!


Love and enjoy your children and grandchildren
HOW TRUE THIS IS!!! 

Monday, September 22, 2014

Defense spending and ISIS


If we're getting our money's worth, it looks like we should be able to take on the entire world, and win. 

Oh yeah...we also have nukes. 

Is all of this money wasted if we cannot protect ourselves from a small group half way around the world? 

Joke: random thoughts

Marriage changes passion. 
Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.

I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it. 
So I said "Implants?" She hit me.

How come we choose from just two people to run for president and over fifty for Miss America ?

A good friend will come and bail you out of jail...but, a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, "Wow...that was fun!"

I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!

When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping," now I just "chunky dunk."

Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference.

Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over? AMEN, AMEN !!

Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can in prison?

Wouldn't you know it...
Brain cells come and brain cells go, but FAT cells live forever.


Why do I have to swear on the Bible in court when the Ten Commandments cannot be displayed outside?

Bumper sticker of the year: 
"If you can read this, thank a teacher -and, since it's in English, thank a soldier"

And remember: life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.

Joke: Nair hair remover


My neighbor found out her dog could hardly hear so she took it to the veterinarian. He found that the problem was hair in its ears so he cleaned both ears and the dog could hear fine.

The vet then proceeded to tell the lady that if she wanted to keep this from reoccurring she should go to the store and get some "Nair" hair remover and rub it in the dog's ears once a month.

The lady goes to the drug store and gets some "Nair" hair remover. At the register the druggist tells her: "If you're going to use this under your arms don't use deodorant for a few days."

The lady says: "I'm not using it under my arms."

The druggist says: "If you're using it on your legs don't shave for a couple of days."

The lady says: "I'm not using it on my legs either; if you must know, I'm using it on my schnauzer."
The druggist says: "Stay off your bicycle for a week."