Thursday, October 20, 2011

How to deal with a terrorist

This took place in Spain.  
 Spanish police agreed to placate a 'bank hostage'  situation by allowing the radical to 'escape' uninhibited. He was allowed to walk out of the bank in the company of 2 hostages. The police  provided him with a motorcycle and free access to the motorcycle. 

Then,  leaving the hostages behind, he was permitted to ride away down a clear roadway to make his escape. This whole incident, shown on CBS television, complete with news reporting in English, can be seen on this 55-second video clip. 

The Shredder

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Sports Illustrated's Jim Trotter says Mike Brown is a hypocrite...implies racism

Sports Illustrated writer Jim Trotter said this about the Carson Palmer trade:
if you're wondering why black players feel there's a double standard in the nfl, mike brown's handling of carson palmer is another example.
When asked, he pointed out that Mike Brown allegedly turned down a similar deal for Chad Ochocinco but made him stay with the team. I asked him for proof aside from a blog post that the Redskins actually offered a #1 pick for Ochocinco but he didn't offer any. By the way, Mike Brown did trade Corey Dillon when he requested a trade but in Trotter's mind, that must be different in some way.

Saying there is a "double standard in the nfl" regarding black players seems like he was implying racism to me then he backpedaled a bit. Here is what else Trotter said:
please quote me accurately. i did NOT say brown was a racist. i said this is 1 reason black players BELIEVE there is a double standard. smh
please deal with facts: mike brown basically said this was abt principle. remember? carson has a contract, needs to honor it. nice principle 
In summary, here is why Trotter is wrong:
  1. With Ocho, the Bengals didn't have his replacement on the roster.
  2. Ocho reported to camp on time and did not hold out.
  3. Ocho just wanted more money as opposed to getting out of Cincinnati.
  4. If they were offered a #1 pick for Ocho, it would have been very expensive then as opposed to now with the rookie wage cap.
  5. The Bengals did relent and trade Corey Dillon when he requested a trade.
  6. Mike Brown is motivated by money not race. He had so much tied up in Palmer that he needed a deal like this to move him.

Saturday, October 15, 2011

Crazy, Stupid, Love: 30 Things I learned from watching Crazy, Stupid, Love with Emma Stone and Ryan Gosling

  1. If you want to divorce your husband, tell him at a restaurant instead of a private setting.
  2. Conan O'Brian looks like a carrot.
  3. If you think Conan O'Brien is sexy, your life may be PG-13.
  4. Cuckold is a word that is not used much anymore.
  5. 13 is not too old for a babysitter.
  6. Some 13 year olds actually spend a lot of time pondering their soul mates.
  7. The late Steve Jobs is the only one with the right to wear New Balance sneakers. New Balance sneakers are not appropriate while "picking up chicks"
  8. The skin under the eyes can resemble the ball sack of one Hugh Hefner
  9. When you want a woman to have sex with you, just say "Let's get outta here" to her and then close the deal.
  10. Men won the war of the sexes when women started doing pole dancing for exercise.
  11. All any of us can do is play our strength.
  12. To pick up women, don't talk about yourself.
  13. Don't drink watered down drinks from a straw.
  14. If you're in love with a girl, putting her scarlett red initial on your chest will not make her love you back.
  15. If a man is nervous when trying to have sex, sometimes the woman will go downtown for 45 minutes.
  16. There are bars that are loaded with hot ladies who are ready to have sex after buying them a drink.
  17. A middle aged, strange, weird, and unattractive man in his 40s can sleep with 9 women from one bar in less than a month.
  18. Women can cheat on their husband as long as they are "boring" and it will be all his fault.
  19. It is ok for a woman to cheat on her husband with a co-worker but when he has sex with 9 women to try to get over her despicable act, he is the bad guy.
  20. Few people use the term "bang" anymore.
  21. If you're going to fight, keep it inside...keep it in the family.
  22. If your daughter dates your mentor who you think is a lowlife, you should tell her to end it.
  23. The A in the Scarlet Letter doesn't stand for what everyone thinks it does.
  24. We should strive to be better than The Gap.
  25. When ending a friendship with someone, cologne makes a lovely parting gift.
  26. Reenacting the jump scene from Dirty Dancing will make any girl sleep with you.
  27. When your boyfriend doesn't propose like you had hoped, it is okay to ditch him and go home with a stranger.
  28. $5000 massage chairs from Brookstone are not worth the money.
  29. Soul mates do exist, but they forget sometimes and cheat.
  30. Bartenders might spit in your drink if you tick them off.

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

What the President should say


My Fellow Americans: As you all know, the defeat of the Iraqregime has been completed.

Since Congress does not want to spend any more money on this war, our mission in Iraq is complete.

This morning I gave the order for a complete removal of all American forces from Iraq . This action will be complete within 30 days. It is now time to begin the reckoning.

Before me, I have two lists. One list contains the names of countries which have stood by our side during the Iraq conflict. This list is short. The United Kingdom , Spain , Bulgaria ,Australia , and Poland are some of the countries listed there.

The other list contains every one not on the first list. Most of the world's nations are on that list. My press secretary will be distributing copies of both lists later this evening.

Let me start by saying that effective immediately, foreign aid to those nations on List 2 ceases indefinitely. The money saved during the first year alone will pretty much pay for the costs of the Iraqi war.


The American people are no longer going to pour money into third world Hell holes and watch those government leaders grow fat on corruption.

Need help with a famine? Wrestling with an epidemic? CallFrance ...

In the future, together with Congress, I will work to redirect this money toward solving the vexing social
 problems we still have at home. On that note, a word to terrorist organizations. Screw with us and we will hunt you down and eliminate you and all your friends from the face of the earth.

Thirsting for a gutsy country to terrorize? Try France or maybeChina .

I am ordering the immediate severing of diplomatic relations with France , and Russia . Thanks for all your help, comrades. We are retiring from NATO as well.

I have instructed the Mayor ofNew York City to begin towing the many UN diplomatic vehicles located in Manhattan with more than two unpaid parking tickets to sites where those vehicles will be stripped, shredded and crushed. I don't care about whatever treaty pertains to this. You creeps have tens of thousands of unpaid tickets. Pay those tickets tomorrow or watch your precious Benzes, Beamers and limos be turned over to some of the finest chop shops in the world. I love New York

A special note to our neighbors:Canada is on List 2. Since we are likely to be seeing a lot more of each other, you folks might want to try not ticking us off for a change.
Mexico      is also on List 2. Its president and his entire corrupt government really need an attitude adjustment.
I will have a couple thousand extra tanks and infantry divisions sitting around. Guess where I am going to
Put 'em? Yep, border security.
Oh, by the way, the United States is abrogating the NAFTA treaty - starting now.

We are tired of the one-way highway. Immediately, we'll be drilling for oil in Alaska -which will take care of this country's oil needs for decades to come. If you're an environmentalist who opposes this decision, I refer you to List 2 above: pick a country and move there.

It is time for America to focus on its own welfare and its own citizens. Some will accuse us of isolationism. I answer them by saying, 'darn tootin.'

Nearly a century of trying to help folks live a decent life around the world has only earned us the undying enmity of just about everyone on the planet. It is time to eliminate hunger in America .
It is time to eliminate homelessness
In America . To the nations on List 1,
A final thought. Thank you guys.
We owe you and we won't forget.

To the nations on List 2, a final thought: You might want to learn to speak Arabic.

God bless America ...
Thank you and good night.' 

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

What's your number?

The wife  asked me,
"How many women have you slept with?"
I proudly replied,
"Only you, Darling, with all the others, I was awake."

I didn't see it coming!

Hospital Visiting Hours are 10 AM to 8 PM

Sunday, October 9, 2011

Halloween - knowing when you are too old to Trick or Treat

You know you are too old to Trick or Treat when:

  1. You keep knocking on your own front door.
  2. You remove your false teeth to change your appearance.
  3. You ask for soft high fiber candy only.
  4. When someone drops a candy bar in your bag, and you lose your balance and fall over.
  5. People say: 'Great Boris Karloff Mask,' And you're not wearing a mask.
  6. When the door opens you yell, 'Trick or...' And you can't remember the rest.
  7. By the end of the night, you have a bag full of restraining orders.
  8. You have to carefully choose a costume that doesn't dislodge your hairpiece.
  9. You're the only Power Ranger in the neighborhood with a walker.
  10. You keep having to go home to pee.

How's your day going?

Thursday, October 6, 2011

Occupy Wall Street Signs And Posters

Go here for more.

Steve Jobs RIP - He was no Thomas Edison, though.

"Steve Jobs was the greatest inventor since Thomas Edison. He put the world at our fingertips." --Steven Spielberg

Steve Jobs was great and all but he was no Thomas Edison. He didn't invent a lot of what he's famous for and that is perfectly fine. He was an innovator...not an inventor. He brought great ideas and products to the world. His devices were of high quality but they fall under the categories of:

  • MP3 player
  • Smartphone
  • Personal computer
  • iPad - a small laptop computer without a keyboard and a cover
  • Server

The originals of these categories are the inventions. If I go take a brush and put a long handle on it, I did not just invent the broom.

In the PC world, he sold proprietary, restrictive, and overpriced machines with an uncompromising attitude. He never gave Apple much more that 10% market share and led the company to bankruptcy in the 90's only to be bailed out by Bill Gates. The iPhone, iPod, and iPad were game changers for sure. They saved the company. It won't be long before the iPhone will go the way of the minuscule niche market like their computers.

That said, Jobs may be this generation's Walt Disney. He'll be remembered as a footnote in history but he is no Edison. Here we are, 130 years after Edison created the electricity system which made the world without electricity unimaginable. Look ahead 130 years from now and you will find that our successors will not be talking about the iPhone or iPad in quite the same way.

Monday, October 3, 2011

Obama does not regret the Solyndra disaster

President Obama told ABC News that he does not regret the government loan to green energy provider Solyndra, a company now under investigation for its practices. Obama says he doesn’t regret the loan, “because if you look at the overall portfolio of loan guarantees that had been provided, overall it’s doing well. And what we always understood is that not every single business is going to succeed in clean energy.” 

Really?!? I wonder if he would regret it if it was his money.

What have we learned in 2,066 years? - Cicero quote

What have we learned in 2,066 years? 

"The budget should be balanced, the Treasury should be refilled, public debt should be reduced,
the arrogance of officialdom should be tempered and controlled, and the assistance to foreignlands should be curtailed lest Rome become bankrupt.  
People must again learn to work, instead of living on public assistance ."          

Cicero - 55 BC 

Evidently, nothing...

*I found some evidence that Cicero said this (he might have...then again maybe he didn't) but it is still interesting.