Thursday, July 30, 2015

Hillary Clinton seven dwarfs joke


The seven dwarfs always left early each morning to go to work in the mine.
                                               
As always, Snow White stayed home doing her domestic chores. As lunch time approached, she would prepare their lunches and take them to the mine. 

One day as she arrived at the mine with the lunches, she saw that there had been a terrible cave-in. Tearfully, and fearing the worst, Snow White began calling out, hoping against hope that the dwarfs had somehow survived. 'Hello. Hello!' she shouted. 'Can anyone hear me? Hello!' 

For a long while, there was no answer. Losing hope, Snow White again shouted,'Hello! Is anyone down there?' 

Just as she was about to give up all hope, she heard a faint voice from deep within the mine, "VOTE FOR HILLARY IN 2016". 

Snow White fell to her knees and prayed, Oh, thank you, God! At least Dopey is still alive!      

Tuesday, July 21, 2015

Vehicle Barrier video


Subject: Vehicle Barrier

This is an interesting film clip on brute force. It is only 20 seconds long. 

Turn up the sound if you have audio so you can hear the impact.


How many times have you wondered how strong those cement barriers are that you see in front of military base entrances???? Read below and then view the clip...

From time to time someone asks what the concrete barriers are in front of controlled and secure buildings. When they are told that the barriers will stop traffic, even trucks, from approaching the secure building, some people have doubts. In this test, the following parameters were used.

Read them and then watch the film. Truck = 65,000 lbs. Speed = 50 mph Kinetic Energy = 5.5 MILLION ft. lbs.

Stopped in 24 INCHES !!! 

Friday, July 17, 2015

Funeral joke



Three friends from the local congregation were asked "When you're in your casket, and friends and congregation members are mourning over you, what would you like them to say? "

Artie said: "I would like them to say I was a wonderful husband, a  fine spiritual leader, and a great family man."

Eugene commented: "I would like them to say I was a wonderful teacher and servant of God who made a huge difference in people's lives."

Bob said: "I'd like them to say, "LOOK, HE'S MOVING!"

Thursday, July 16, 2015

A life without left turns - Michael Gartner

This is a wonderful piece by Michael Gartner, editor of newspapers large and small and president of NBC News. In 1997, he won the Pulitzer Prize for editorial writing. Well worth reading. And a few good laughs are guaranteed.  

My father never drove a car. Well, that's not quite right. I should say I never saw him drive a car. He quit driving in 1927, when he
was 25 years old, and the last car he drove was a 1926 Whippet.

"In those days," he told me when he was in his 90s, "to drive a car you had to do things with your hands, and do things with your feet, and look every which way, and I decided you could walk through life and enjoy it or drive through life and miss it."

At which point my mother, a sometimes salty Irishwoman, chimed in: "Oh,
 Baloney!" she said. "He hit a horse."

"Well," my father said, "there was that, too."

So my brother and I grew up in a household without a car. The neighbors all had cars -- the Kollingses next door had a green 1941 Dodge, the VanLaninghams across the street a gray 1936 Plymouth, the Hopsons two doors down a black 1941 Ford -- but we had none.

My father, a newspaperman in Des Moines, would take the streetcar to work and, often as not, walk the 3 miles home.

If he took the streetcar home, my mother and brother and I would walk the three blocks to the streetcar stop, meet him and walk home together.

My brother, David, was born in 1935, and I was born in 1938, and sometimes, at dinner, we'd ask how come all the neighbors had cars but we had none. "No one in the family drives," my mother would explain, and that was that. But, sometimes, my father would say, "But as soon as one of you boys turns 16, we'll get one."

It was as if he wasn't sure which one of us would turn 16 first.

But, sure enough, my brother turned 16 before I did, so in 1951 my parents bought a used 1950 Chevrolet from a friend who ran the parts department at a Chevy dealership downtown. It was a four-door, white model, stick shift, fender skirts, loaded with everything, and, since my parents didn't drive, it more or less became my brother's car.

Having a car but not being able to drive didn't bother my father, but it didn't make sense to my mother. So in 1952, when she was 43 years old, she asked a friend to teach her to drive. She learned in a nearby cemetery, the place where I learned to drive the following year and where, and a generation later, I took my two sons to practice driving.

The cemetery probably was my father's idea.

"Who can your mother hurt in the cemetery?" I remember him saying once.

For the next 45 years or so, until she was 90, my mother was the driver in the family. Neither she nor my father had any sense of direction, but he loaded up on maps -- though they seldom left the city limits -- and appointed himself navigator. It seemed to work.

Still, they both continued to walk a lot. My mother was a devout Catholic, and my father an equally devout agnostic, an arrangement that didn't seem to bother either of them through their 75 years of marriage. (Yes, 75 years, and they were deeply in love the entire time.)

He retired when he was 70, and nearly every morning for the next 20 years or so, he would walk with her the mile to St. Augustin's Church. She would walk down and sit in the front pew, and he would wait in the back until he saw which of the parish's two priests was on duty that morning.

If it was the pastor, my father then would go out and take a 2-mile walk, meeting my mother at the end of the service and walking her home. If it was the assistant pastor, he'd take just a 1-mile walk and then head back to the church. He called the priests "Father Fast" and "Father Slow."

After he retired, my father almost always accompanied my mother whenever she drove anywhere, even if he had no reason to go along. If she were going to the beauty parlor, he'd sit in the car and read, or go take a stroll or, if it was summer, have her keep the engine running so he could listen to the Cubs game on the radio.

In the evening, then, when I'd stop by, he'd explain: "The Cubs lost again. The millionaire on second base made a bad throw to the millionaire on first base, so the multimillionaire on third base scored."

If she were going to the grocery store, he would go along to carry the bags out -- and to make sure she loaded up on ice cream.

As I said, he was always the navigator, and once, when he was 95 and she was 88 and still driving, he said to me, "Do you want to know the secret of a long life?"

"I guess so," I said, knowing it probably would be something bizarre.

"No left turns," he said.

"What?" I asked.

"No left turns," he repeated. "Several years ago, your mother and I read an article that said most accidents that old people are in happen when they turn left in front of oncoming traffic. As you get older, your eyesight worsens, and you can lose your depth perception, it said. So your mother and I decided never again to make a left turn."

"What?" I said again.

"No left turns," he said. "Think about it. Three rights are the same as a left, and that's a lot safer. So we always make three rights."

"You're kidding!" I said, and I turned to my mother for support.

"No," she said, "your father is right. We make three rights It works." But then she added: "Except when your father loses count."

I was driving at the time, and I almost drove off the road as I started laughing. "Loses count?" I asked. "Yes," my father admitted, "that sometimes happens. But it's not a problem. You just make seven rights, and you're okay again."

I couldn't resist. "Do you ever go for 11?" I asked.

"No," he said. "If we miss it at seven, we just come home and call it a bad day. Besides, nothing in life is so important it can't be put off another day or another week."

My mother was never in an accident, but one evening she handed me her car keys and said she had decided to quit driving. That was in 1999, when she was 90. She lived four more years, until 2003. My father died the next year, at 102. They both died in the bungalow they had moved into in 1937 and bought a few years later for $3,000. (Sixty years later, my brother and I paid $8,000 to have a shower put in the tiny bathroom -- the house had never had one. My father would have died then and there if he knew the shower cost nearly three times what he paid for the house.)

He continued to walk daily -- he had me get him a treadmill when he was 101 because he was afraid he'd fall on the icy sidewalks but wanted to keep exercising -- and he was of sound mind and sound body until the moment he died.

One September afternoon in 2004, he and my son went with me when I had to give a talk in a neighboring town, and it was clear to all three of us that he was wearing out, though we had the usual wide-ranging conversation about politics and newspapers and things in the news. A few weeks earlier, he had told my son, "You know, Mike, the first hundred years are a lot easier than the second hundred." At one point in our drive that Saturday, he said, "You know, I'm probably not going to live much longer."

"You're probably right," I said.

"Why would you say that?" He countered, somewhat irritated.

"Because you're 102 years old," I said.

"Yes," he said, "you're right." He stayed in bed all the next day.

That night, I suggested to my son and daughter that we sit up with him through the night. He appreciated it, he said, though at one point, apparently seeing us look gloomy, he said: "I would like to make an announcement. No one in this room is dead yet."

An hour or so later, he spoke his last words:

"I want you to know," he said, clearly and lucidly, "that I am in no pain. I am very comfortable. And I have had as happy a life as anyone on this earth could ever have." A short time later, he died.

I miss him a lot, and I think about him a lot. I've wondered now and then how it was that my family and I were so lucky that he lived so long.

I can't figure out if it was because he walked through life

Or because he quit taking left turns.



Share this here:

Tuesday, July 14, 2015

The 'Le Woogie' Card Trick



The 'Le Woogie' Card Trick. Performed by: Le Woogie 
Pick one of the following cards. Don't click on it; just keep it in your head. 








scroll down when you have your card,




Think about your card for 20 seconds in front of Le Woogie.










Le Woogie will attempt to read your mind!






Scroll down after 20 Seconds





The Great Le Woogie Has Removed Your Card! 





SCARY ISN'T IT. Now scroll up and do it again.

Monday, July 13, 2015

Word puzzle

This is no trick and is a very good puzzle....... figure it out before you peek.

See If You Can Figure Out What These Words Have In Common.......

  1. Banana
  2. Dresser
  3. Grammar
  4. Potato
  5. Revive
  6. Uneven
  7. Voodoo
  8. Assess


Are You Peeking Or Have You Already Given Up?
 

Give It Another Try....
 

You'll kick yourself when you discover the answer.
 

Go back and look at them again; think hard.



Hope You Didn't Cheat.




 SCROLL DOWN










Answer:

 In all of the words listed, if you take the first letter, place it at the
 end of the word, and then spell the word backwards, it will be the same word.

Monday, July 6, 2015

Manure...A True Story

Manure...A True Story (as far as I know)  

Manure:  In the 16th and 17th centuries, everything had to be transported by ship and it was also before commercial fertilizer's invention, so large shipments of manure were common. 

It was shipped dry, because in dry form it weighed a lot less than when wet, but once water (at sea) hit it, it not only became heavier, but the process of fermentation began again, of which a by product is methane gas. As the stuff was stored below decks in bundles you can see what could (and did) happen. 


Methane began to build up below decks and the first time someone came below at night with a lantern, BOOOOM! 



Several ships were destroyed in this manner before it was determined just what was happening 


After that, the bundles of manure were always stamped with the term "Ship High In Transit" on them, which meant for the sailors to stow it high enough off the lower decks so that any water that came into the hold would not touch this volatile cargo and start the production of methane. 

Thus evolved the term " S.H.I.T " , (Ship High In Transport) which has come down through the centuries and is in use to this very day. 

Is this story true? I have no idea.

Thursday, July 2, 2015

Happy Friendship Week card

A Card for You like you because of who you are to me...
A true Friend.
 
And if you don't add a comment in the comment section  or share it on FaceBook/Twitter, I'll take the hint 


Something good will happen to you at 1:00-4:00 PM tomorrow

Get ready for the biggest shock of your life. 

Please send a link to 5 people in 
5 minutes or share it.

Remember:

Proud To
Be Your Friend!


Make sure you read all the way down to the last sentence,and
don't skip ahead

To all of You... Make sure you read all the way down to the last sentence. 

It's National Friendship Week.
 
Show your friends how much you care  
Share this blog post with everyone you consider a FRIEND!?

Even if it means sharing it back
 to the person Who shared it with you. 
If it comes back to you, 
then you'll know you have 
'a circle of friends'.

HAPPY
 "FRIENDSHIP WEEK" TO YOU!!!!!!

YOU
 ARE 
MY FRIEND
 AND I AM 
HONORED

Share it here

Lists: 8 things I learned getting older

1. I've Learned.... That life is like a roll of toilet paper.
The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes. 


2. I've Learned....
 That we should be glad God doesn't give us everything we ask for.

3. I've Learned....
 That money doesn't buy class. 
4. I've Learned...
 That it's those small daily happenings that make life so spectacular. 
5. I've Learned...
 That under everyone's hard shell is someone who wants 
to be appreciated and loved. 

6. I've Learned....
 That the Lord didn't do it all in one day. 
What makes me think I can? 


7. I've Learned....
 That to ignore the facts does not change the facts. 
8. I've Learned....
 That the less time I have to work, the more things I get done. 

Wednesday, July 1, 2015

Lists: 19 things I learned getting older

Now that I'm older here's what I've discovered:


  1. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
  2. My wild oats are mostly enjoyed with prunes and all-bran.
  3. I finally got my head together, and now my body is falling apart.
  4. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.
  5. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.
  6. If all is not lost, then where the heck is it?
  7. It was a whole lot easier to get older, than to get wiser.
  8. Some days, you're the top dog; some days you're the hydrant.
  9. I wish the buck really did stop here; I sure could use a few of them.
  10. Kids in the back seat cause accidents.
  11. Accidents in the back seat cause kids.
  12. It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
  13. The world only beats a path to your door when you're in the bathroom.
  14. If God wanted me to touch my toes, he'd have put them on my knees.
  15. When I'm finally holding all the right cards, everyone wants to play chess.
  16. It's not hard to meet expenses . . . they're everywhere.
  17. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
  18. These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter. I go somewhere to get something, and then wonder what I'm "here after".
  19. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.