Friday, February 28, 2014

Redneck-hillbilly pictures

Click here for another redneck picture.

Congress and President facts

  1. Politicians are the only people in the world who create problems and then campaign against them.
  2. Have you ever wondered why, if both the Democrats and the Republicans are against deficits, we have deficits?
  3. Have you ever wondered why, if all the politicians are against inflation and high taxes, we have inflation and high taxes?
  4. You and I don't propose a federal budget. The president does.
  5. You and I don't have the Constitutional authority to vote on appropriations. The House of Representatives does.
  6. You and I don't write the tax code, Congress does.
  7. You and I don't set fiscal policy, Congress does.
  8. You and I don't control monetary policy, The Federal Reserve Bank does.
  9. One hundred senators, 435 congressmen, one president and nine Supreme Court justices - 545 human beings out of the 300 million -- are directly, legally, morally and individually responsible for the domestic problems that plague this country.
  10. I excluded the members of the Federal Reserve Board because that problem was created by the Congress.
  11. In 1913, Congress delegated its Constitutional duty to provide a sound currency to a federally chartered but private central bank.
  12. I excluded all the special interests and lobbyists for a sound reason. They have no legal authority.
  13. They have no ability to coerce a senator, a congressman or a president to do one cotton-picking thing.
  14. I don't care if they offer a politician $1 million dollars in cash. The politician has the power to accept or reject it. No matter what the lobbyist promises, it is the legislator's responsibility to determine how he votes.
  15. Those 545 human beings spend much of their energy convincing you that what they did is not their fault. They cooperate in this common con regardless of party.
  16. What separates a politician from a normal human being is an excessive amount of gall.
  17. No normal human being would have the gall of a Speaker, who stood up and criticized the President for creating deficits.
  18. The president can only propose a budget.
  19. He cannot force the Congress to accept it.
  20. The Constitution, which is the supreme law of the land, gives sole responsibility to the House of Representatives for originating and approving appropriations and taxes.
  21. The speaker of the House and fellow House members, not the president, can approve any budget they want.
  22. If the president vetoes it, they can pass it over his veto if they agree to.
  23. It seems inconceivable to me that a nation of 300 million cannot replace 545 people who stand convicted -- by present facts -- of incompetence and irresponsibility.
  24. I can't think of a single domestic problem that is not traceable directly to those 545 people.
  25. When you fully grasp the plain truth that 545 people exercise the power of the federal government, then it must follow that what exists is what they want to exist.
  26. If the tax code is unfair, it's because they want it unfair.
  27. If the budget is in the red, it's because they want it in the red.
  28. If the Marines are in another country, it's because they want them there.
  29. If they do not receive social security but are on an elite retirement plan not available to the people, it's because they want it that way.
  30. There are no insoluble government problems.
  31. Do not let these 545 people shift the blame to bureaucrats, whom they hire and whose jobs they can abolish; to lobbyists, whose gifts and advice they can reject; to regulators, to whom they give the power to regulate and from whom they can take this power.
  32. Above all, do not let them con you into the belief that there exists disembodied mystical forces like 'the economy,' 'inflation' or 'politics' that prevent them from doing what they take an oath to do.
  33. Those 545 people, and they alone, are responsible.
  34. They, and they alone, have the power.
  35. They, and they alone, should be held accountable by the people who are their bosses -- provided the voters have the gumption to manage their own employees.

We should vote all of them out of office and clean up their mess!

Thursday, February 27, 2014

New Orleans Budweiser truck driver

This happened on a flight getting ready to depart for New Orleans.

Jack was sitting on the plane when a guy took the seat beside him.
The guy was an emotional wreck, pale, hands shaking, moaning in fear.
"What's the matter?" Jack asked.

"I've been transferred to New Orleans. There's crazy people there.
They've got lots of shootings, gangs, race riots, drugs, poor public schools, and the highest crime rate."

Jack replied, "I've lived in New Orleans all my life. It's not as bad as the media says.
Find a nice home, go to work, mind your own business, enroll your kids in a nice private school.
It's as safe a place as anywhere in the world."

The guy relaxed and stopped shaking and said, "Oh, thank you. I've been worried to death.
But if you live there and say it's OK, I'll take your word for it. By the way, what do you do for a living?"

"Me?" said Jack. "I'm a tail gunner on a Budweiser truck."

Wednesday, February 26, 2014

Women are from Venus...Men are from Mars - joke

The following is a prime example of 'Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus' offered by an English professor from the University of Colorado for an actual class assignment:

The professor told his class one day: 'Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with another person.

As homework tonight, one of you will write the first paragraph of a short story. You will e-mail your partner that paragraph and send another copy to me. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story and send it back, also sending another copy to me. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back-and-forth.

Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. There is to be absolutely NO talking outside of the e-mails and anything you wish to say must be written in the e-mail. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached.'
The following was actually turned in by two of his English students:

Rebecca and Gary.


(First paragraph by Rebecca)

At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted.  The chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomilewas out of the question.

(Second paragraph by Gary )

Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of an airheaded asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. 'A.S. Harris to Geostation 17,' he said into his trans-galactic communicator..'Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far...' But before he could sign off, a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.


He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. 'Congress Passed a Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel,' Laurie read in her newspaper one morning.. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspaper to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. 'Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?' she pondered wistfully.

( Gary )

Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live.  Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. Thedim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through the congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid Laurie.


This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic semi-iterate adolescent.

( Gary )

Yeah? Well, my writing partner is a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. 'Oh, shall I have chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of $&#&%@% tea??? Oh no, what am I to do? I'm such an air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele novels!'



( Gary )




( Gary )

In your dreams, Ho. Go drink some tea.
(TEACHER) A+ - I really liked this one.

Tuesday, February 25, 2014

Ship from China to Walmart - The Emma Maersk

This is how Wal-Mart gets all it's stuff from China. Get a load of this ship! 
15,000 containers and a 207' beam! And look at the crew-size:  13 people for a ship longer than a US aircraft carrier which has a crew of  5,000 men and officers.
Think it's big enough? Notice that 207' beam means it cannot  fit through the Panama or Suez Canals . It is strictly transpacific. 

Check  out the cruise speed: 31 knots means the goods arrive 4 days before the  typical container ship (18-20 knots) on a China-to-California run. So this  behemoth is hugely competitive when carrying perishable goods.  

This ship was built in five sections. The sections floated together and then welded. The command bridge is higher than a 10-story building and has 11 cargo crane rigs that can operate simultaneously.

 What  a wonder 'Made in China' is displacing North American goods big  time with this floating continent transporting goods across the Pacific in 4 days no less!!! 

 Additional info:
  • Country of origin - Denmark
  • Length - 1,302 ft
  • Width - 207 ft
  • Net cargo - 123,200 tons 
  • Engine - 14 in-line cylinders diesel engine (110,000 BHP)    Cruise Speed - 31 knots 
  •    Cargo capacity - 15,000 TEU (1 TEU = 20 ft3)
  • Crew - 13 people
  • First Trip - Sept. 08, 2006
  • Construction cost - US $145,000,000+
  • Silicone painting applied to the ship bottom reduces water resistance and saves 317,000 gallons of diesel per year

Editorial  Comment! A recent documentary on the History  Channel, noted that most all of these containers are shipped back to China, EMPTY.Yep you heard it right. We send nothing back on most of these ships!

Saturday, February 22, 2014

Stress Management

A young lady confidently walked around the room while leading and explaining stress management to an audience with a raised glass of water. Everyone knew she was going to ask the ultimate question, 'half empty or half full?'.. She fooled them all ..... "How heavy is this glass of water?" she inquired with a smile. Answers called out ranged from 8 oz. to 20 oz.

She replied , "The absolute weight doesn't matter. It depends on how long I hold it. If I hold it for a minute, that's not a problem. If I hold it for an hour, I'll have an ache in my right arm.

If I hold it for a day, you'll have to call an ambulance. In each case it's the same weight, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes." She continued, "and that's the way it is with stress. If we carry our burdens all the time, sooner or later, as the burden becomes increasingly heavy, we won't be able to carry on."

"As with the glass of water, you have to put it down for a while and rest before holding it again. When we're refreshed, we can carry on with the burden - holding stress longer and better each time practiced. So, as early in the evening as you can, put all your burdens down. Don't carry them through the evening and into the night... Pick them up tomorrow.

Stress tips:

  1. Accept the fact that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue!
  2. Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.
  3. Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.
  4. Drive carefully... It's not only cars that can be recalled by their Maker.
  5. If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
  6. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
  7. It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
Let today be a day that you face life with courage, with faith, and with a light heart.  

Here is more wisdom for you.

Friday, February 21, 2014

Maps to Help You Understand The World

1. This map shows the world divided into 7 sections (each with a distinct color) with each section containing 1 billion people.
2. This map shows (in white) where 98 percent of Australia's population lives.
3. It may not come as a surprise but more people live inside the circle than outside of it.

4. This map shows what is on the other side of the world from where you are standing.  For the most part it will probably be water.

5. Apparently you can't get Big Macs everywhere.  This map shows (in red) the countries that have McDonalds.

6. This map shows the countries (in blue) where people drive on the left side of the road.

7. This map shows countries (in white) that England has never invaded.  There are only 22 of them.

8. The line in this map shows all of the world's Internet connections in 1969.

9. This map shows the countries that heavily restricted Internet access in 2013.

10. This map shows (in red) countries that were all Communist at one point in time.

11. This map shows (in red) the countries that don't use the metric system.

12. This map shows (in blue) places where Google street view is available.

13. This map shows (in green) all the landlocked countries of the world.

14. And this is what the world would look like if all the countries with coast lines sank.

15. This is a map of the all the rivers in the United States.

16. And these are all the rivers that feed into the Mississippi River.

17. This is a map of the highest paid public employees in the United States.

18. This map shows how much space the United States would occupy on the moon.

19. This map shows the longest straight line you can sail.  It goes from Pakistan all the way to Kamchatka Peninsula in Russia for a total of 20,000 miles.

20. This is a map of 19th century shipping lanes that outlines the continents.

21. This map shows (in navy blue) every country that has ever operated an aircraft carrier.

22. This map highlights the countries (in red and orange) with the most skyscrapers.

23. This map shows (in red, orange, and yellow) the world's largest donors of foreign aid with red being the biggest donor.

24. This map shows the most photographed places in the world.

25. And this map shows all the places where you can get eaten by a Great White shark!