Beanie Books

When a soldier comes home, he finds it hard....   ....to keep from laughing when anxious parents say they're afraid to send their kids off to summer camp.      ....to remain calm when his daughter complains about having to walk the dog.  ....to control his frustration when a colleague gripes about his coffee being cold.     ....to keep a straight face when people complain about potholes . to be tolerant of people who complain about the hassle of getting ready for work ....to be forgiving when someone says how hard it is to have a new baby in the house.  .....to be civil to people who complain about their jobs.     ....to just walk away when someone says they only get two weeks of vacation a year.     ..to be silent when people pray to G o d for a new car .   ..to be compassionate when a businessman expresses a fear of flying.   .. to listen to his son whine about bei...

There was a Chemistry professor in a large college that had some exchange students in the class. One day while the class was in the  lab the professor noticed one young man (exchange student) who kept  rubbing his back and stretching as if his back hurt. The professor asked the young man what was the matter. The student told him he had a bullet lodged in his back. He had been shot  while fighting communists in his native country who were trying to  overthrow his country's government and install a new communist  government. In the midst of his story he looked at the professor and asked a strange  question. He asked, " Do you know how to catch wild pigs?" The professor thought it was a joke and asked for the punch line. The young man said this was no joke. "You catch wild pigs by finding a suitable place! in the woods and putting corn on the ground. The pigs find it and begin to come  everyday to eat the free corn. When they are used to coming every d...

     Three third graders from Tennessee (an Irish kid, an Italian kid and a Redneck kid) are on the play ground at recess.    The Irish kid suggests that they play a new game. "Let's see who has the largest weenie," he says.    "Okay." They all agree.    The Italian kid pulls down his zipper and whips it out.    "That's nothing," says the Irish kid. He whips his out and proudly shows that his is at least an inch longer.    Not to be out done, the Redneck kid whips his out. It is by far not only the biggest, but the fattest.    That night, eating dinner at home, the Redneck kid's mother asks him what he did at school today.    "Oh, we worked on a science project, had a math test and read out loud from a new book and then during recess, my friends and I played a new game called "Let's see who has the largest weenie."    "What kind of game is that, honey?" asks th...

ARLINGTON CEMETERY Jeopardy Question:  On Jeopardy the other night, the final question was "How many steps does the guard take during his walk across the tomb of the Unknowns?" All three contestants missed it!  1. How many steps does the guard take during his walk across the tomb of the Unknowns and why? 21 steps :  It alludes to the twenty-one gun salute which is the highest honor given any military or  foreign dignitary.  2. How long does he hesitate after his about face to begin his return walk and why? 21 seconds for the same reason as answer number 1 3. Why are his gloves wet? His gloves are moistened to prevent his losing his grip on the rifle. 4. Does he carry his rifle on the same shoulder all the time and ,  if not, why not? He carries the rifle on the shoulder away from the tomb. After his march across the path, he executes an about face  and moves the rifle to...

Hunting on Sunday  I  had  everything  planned  and  had  told  my  wife   I would not be going to church with her on Sunday. My  wife  reminded  me  that  Sunday  was  the Sabbath  Day  and  hunting  a  trophy buck should not   be   part   of   the   Sabbath.      I  scouted  the  area  all  summer.       I searched out the best location for my tree-stand.    I set  it  all  up  a  month  ahead  of  time.    I  trailed   the   herd.    I  picked  out  a  trophy  buck.   Two  days  before opening  day  I  rechecked     every  aspect  of  the  hunt. ...