Beanie Books

The Importance of walking Walking can add minutes to your life. This enables you at 85 years old to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $4,000 per month.       My grandpa started walking five miles a day when he was 60. Now he's 97 years old and we have no idea where the hell he is. I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.   The only reason I would take up walking is so that I could hear heavy breathing again. I have to walk early in the morning, before my brain figures out what I'm doing...    I joined a health club last year, spent about 250 bucks. Haven't lost a pound. Apparently you have to go there! Every time I hear the dirty word 'exercise', I wash my mouth out with chocolate.    I do have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them. The advantage of exercising every day is so when you die, they'll ...

Suthunuhs! Southerners know their summer weather report: Humidity Humidity Humidity   Southerners know their vacation spots:   The beach The rivuh The crick Southerners know everybody's first name: Honey Darlin' Shugah Southerners know the movies that speak to their hearts: Fried Green Tomatoes Driving Miss Daisy Steel Magnolias Gone With The Wind   Southerners know their religions:   Bapdiss Methdiss Kathlik Football   Southerners know their cities dripping with Southern charm: Chawl'stn   S'vanah Foat Wuth N'awlins Addlanna Looville Southerners know their elegant gentlemen: Men in uniform Men in tuxedos Rhett Butler Colonel Sanders   Southern girls know their prime real estate: The Mall The Country Club The Beauty Salon   Southern girls know the 3 deadly sins: Having bad hair and nails Having bad manners Cooking bad food   Only   a Southerner knows the difference between a   hissie fit and a   connip...

  ( I believe this young lady appreciates the gift of that man's shoes) A father and mother kissing their dying little girl goodbye .  If you are wondering why all the medical people are bowing: in less than an hour, two small children in the   next room are able to live thanks to the little girl's kidney and liver.

1.  BLAMESTORMING:  Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible. 2.  ASSMOSIS:  The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard. 3.  SALMON DAY:  The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and then die in the end. 4.  CUBE FARM:  An office filled with cubicles. 5.  PRAIRIE DOGGING:  When someone yells or drips something loudly in a Cube Farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on. 6.  STRESS PUPPY:  A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiney. 7.  XEROX SUBSIDY:  Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from ones workplace. 8.  PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE:  The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again. 9.  ADMINISPHE...

If called upon, Tom Brady could save the world. Homosexuals like turkey burgers. Thunder is just God's farts. Channing Tatum's index finger can be the topic of girl talk. Women cannot distinguish between the Darth Vader theme and a song from the Notebook. Surprisingly, insulting and talking dirty to the job interviewer can land you the job. Having sex instead of working can lead to a promotion. To party like it was the 80s, you just gotta nail a lot of girls named Stephanie. Don't trust someone on drugs with a knife. A real duck could totally beat up a stuffed bear. However, the stuffed bear can totally beat up a 35-year old human man.