Beanie Books

1.  BLAMESTORMING:  Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible. 2.  ASSMOSIS:  The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard. 3.  SALMON DAY:  The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and then die in the end. 4.  CUBE FARM:  An office filled with cubicles. 5.  PRAIRIE DOGGING:  When someone yells or drips something loudly in a Cube Farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on. 6.  STRESS PUPPY:  A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiney. 7.  XEROX SUBSIDY:  Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from ones workplace. 8.  PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE:  The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again. 9.  ADMINISPHE...

If called upon, Tom Brady could save the world. Homosexuals like turkey burgers. Thunder is just God's farts. Channing Tatum's index finger can be the topic of girl talk. Women cannot distinguish between the Darth Vader theme and a song from the Notebook. Surprisingly, insulting and talking dirty to the job interviewer can land you the job. Having sex instead of working can lead to a promotion. To party like it was the 80s, you just gotta nail a lot of girls named Stephanie. Don't trust someone on drugs with a knife. A real duck could totally beat up a stuffed bear. However, the stuffed bear can totally beat up a 35-year old human man.

This is a combination of portable BBQ Pits and grills.  Some real imagination here.

(Actual writings from Hospital charts) 1.The patient refused autopsy. 2. The patient has no previous history of suicides. 3. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital. 4. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night. 5. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year. 6 On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it disappeared 7. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed. 8 The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993. 9. Discharge status: Alive but without permission. 10. Healthy appearing decrepit 66-year old male, mentally alert but forgetful. 11. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch. 12. She is numb from her toes down. 13. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home. 14. The skin was moist and dry. 15. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches. 16. Patient was alert and unresponsive. 1...

On January 9th, a group of  Pekin ,  Illinois  bikers were riding west on I-74 when they saw a girl about to jump off the Murray Baker Bridge.  So they stopped.   George, their leader, a big burly man of 53, gets off his Harley, walks through a group of gawkers, past the State Trooper, and says, "What are you doing?"    She says, "I'm going to commit suicide."     While he didn't want to appear "sensitive," he didn't want to miss a be-a-legend opportunity either so he asked ... "Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a kiss?"     So, with no hesitation at all, she leaned back over the railing and did just that ... and it was a long, deep, lingering kiss followed immediately by another one.      After they finished, George gets approval from his biker-buddies, the onlookers, and even t...

Use a (clean) dustpan to fill a container that doesn't fit in the sink How to put shoes in the dryer   Use sunglasses or a small convex mirror to avoid people sneaking up on you while wearing headphones at work   . Place a rubber band around an open paint can to wipe your brush on, and keep paint off the side of the can   Use a staple remover to save your fingernails when trying to add things to your key ring! How to keep the straw from rising out of your soda can Put wooden spoon across boiling pot of water to keep from boiling over.   Use bread clips to save flip-flops with split holes.       Use a microfiber cloth to prevent frost from forming on the windshield.   Use a Comb to Keep a Nail Steady for Hammering   Use a post it note to catch drilling debris.   ...and another tip especially for you .