Beanie Books

ARLINGTON CEMETERY Jeopardy Question:  On Jeopardy the other night, the final question was "How many steps does the guard take during his walk across the tomb of the Unknowns?" All three contestants missed it!  1. How many steps does the guard take during his walk across the tomb of the Unknowns and why? 21 steps :  It alludes to the twenty-one gun salute which is the highest honor given any military or  foreign dignitary.  2. How long does he hesitate after his about face to begin his return walk and why? 21 seconds for the same reason as answer number 1 3. Why are his gloves wet? His gloves are moistened to prevent his losing his grip on the rifle. 4. Does he carry his rifle on the same shoulder all the time and ,  if not, why not? He carries the rifle on the shoulder away from the tomb. After his march across the path, he executes an about face  and moves the rifle to...

Hunting on Sunday  I  had  everything  planned  and  had  told  my  wife   I would not be going to church with her on Sunday. My  wife  reminded  me  that  Sunday  was  the Sabbath  Day  and  hunting  a  trophy buck should not   be   part   of   the   Sabbath.      I  scouted  the  area  all  summer.       I searched out the best location for my tree-stand.    I set  it  all  up  a  month  ahead  of  time.    I  trailed   the   herd.    I  picked  out  a  trophy  buck.   Two  days  before opening  day  I  rechecked     every  aspect  of  the  hunt. ...

ITALIAN BOY'S CONFESSION   "Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose woman."   The priest asks, "Is that you, little Johnny Parisi?"   "Yes, Father, it is."   "And who was the woman you were with?"   "I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation."   "Well, Johnny, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later, so you  may    as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?"   "I cannot say."   "Was it Teresa Volpe?"   "I'll never tell."   "Was it Nina Capelli?"   "I'm sorry, but I cannot name her."   "Was it Cathy Piriano?"   "My lips are sealed."   "Was it Rosa Di Angelo, then?"   "Please, Father, I cannot tell you."   The priest sighs in frustration. "You're very tight lipped, Johnny    Parisi, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You  ...

Politics As Usual While walking down the street one day a US senator is tragically hit  by a truck and dies. His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance. "Welcome to heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems  there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these  parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you." "No problem, just let me in," says the man. "Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do  is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can  choose where to spend eternity." "Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in heaven," says the  senator. "I'm sorry, but we have our rules." And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes  down, down, down to hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the  middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and  standing in front of...