Monday, March 24, 2014

Hell - explained by a chemistry student


The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington
chemistry mid term.

The answer by one student was so 'profound' that the professor shared it
with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have
the pleasure of enjoying it as well:

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic
(absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law
(gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some

One student, however, wrote the following:

        First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing
in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell
and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely
assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no
souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look
at the different religions that exist in the world today.

        Most of these religions state that if you are not a
member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than
one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one
religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death
rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase
exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell
because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and
pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand
proportionately as souls are added. 

        This gives two possibilities:

        1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate
at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell
will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

        2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the
increase of souls in Hell,then the temperature and pressure will drop
until Hell freezes over.

        So which is it?

        If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during
my Freshman year that, 'It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep
with you,' and take into account the fact that I slept with her last
night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is
exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is
that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any
more souls and is therefore, extinct......leaving only Heaven, thereby
proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night,
Teresa kept shouting 'Oh my God.' 


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