Friday, January 17, 2014

Essential additions for the workplace vocabulary - joke

Essential additions for the workplace vocabulary 
  1. BLAMESTORMING:  Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible. 
  2. ASSMOSIS:  The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard.
  3. SALMON DAY:  The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and then die in the end.
  4. CUBE FARM:  An office filled with cubicles.
  5. PRAIRIE DOGGING:  When someone yells or drips something loudly in a Cube Farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on.
  6. STRESS PUPPY:  A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiney.
  7. XEROX SUBSIDY:  Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from ones workplace.
  8.  PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE:  The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.
  9. ADMINISPHERE:  The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file.  Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.
  10. 404:  Someone who's clueless.  From the World Wide Web error message "404 Not Found," meaning that the requested document could not be located.
  11. OHNOSECOND:  That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake.
  12. CROP DUSTING:  Surreptitiously passing gas while walking through a Cube Farm.
  13. SEAGULL MANAGER:  A manager who, flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves.

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