Saturday, July 9, 2011

Horrible Bosses: 20 Things I learned watching Horrible Bosses with Jennifer Aniston

  1. This is not taught in business school...taking $hit will help you succeed.
  2. Nobody pays you to be married to them unless you married Oprah.
  3. It sounds strange but some engaged men don't like when hot women that look like Jen Aniston try to have sex with them.
  4. It is unusual for FedEx girls to be cute. If you see one that is, be suspicious about a possible TV gag.
  5. Urinating in a playground that is next to a bar at night with no kids around will put you on the registered sexual offender list.
  6. Some bosses try to convince their employees that they need a letter of recommendation to get another job so that they will stay in their current job.
  7. The expression "trim the fat" means to fire fat people.
  8. If you can't see a woman's genitalia then she isn't naked.
  9. The economy is so bad that some men resort to doing hand jobs for $40 dollars each.
  10. If you see code words like "Wet Work" or "Fast and discreet" in an advertisement, it isn't an ad for a hit man service. Instead, the ad is for a a man that urinates on other men for money.
  11. To send a signal using your car horn, six honks is too many but one is not enough. Go with two long, subtle honks.
  12. Be sure to empty out the DustBuster prior to vacuuming cocaine.
  13. "Bend her over a barrel and show her the fifty states" may or may not be a common expression/phrase.
  14. Prison rapability in prison is all about weakness and vulnerability.
  15. Avoid weeping emotionally while watching "The Notebook" in your car if you can.
  16. If you drag race in a Toyota Prius, don't expect to win much.
  17. Don't go into a bar and hand someone $5,000 dollars just because he is black.
  18. Your butt hole does contain your DNA.
  19. You can't win a marathon without putting some band aids on your nipples.
  20. Always confirm that a woman is actually pregnant prior to commenting on it...she might just be fat.
  21. If you like when they add bloopers at the end of movies to pad the movie out a bit, stick around for them at the end of "Horrible Bosses".

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