- Asking a girl to leave after sex might make you look like a dick.
- You cannot trust anybody ever...especially if you're in a relationship with them.
- Jewelers show a "love is eternal face" to move product.
- Frozen peas will heal tattoo infections but they should stay in the bag.
- When they get to a certain age, boys are disgusting, they smell, are sticky, and leave semen all over the place.
- If you're in the U.S. on a tourist visa, you can't work. You are only allowed to tour.
- If you are on a plane and notice someone with no luggage, they might be an Air Marshall.
- Air Marshalls are known to carry their guns between their butt cheeks.
- If you ask a woman to bake anything (especially if she used to own a bakery), she will think you are trying to fix her.
- Calling a teenaged customer the C word will get you fired.
- Some people will buy an 18-wheeler just for the heck of it.
- Getting your a**hole bleached is great.
- Being the maid of honor can be very stressful.
- Simply because a wedding dress came from France does not mean it will be good.
- Bridesmaids is really about a woman going through a breakdown disguised as a chick party movie.
*This is a story which is perfectly logical to all males:* A wife asks her husband, "Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk, and if they have eggs, get 6." A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk. The wife asks him, "Why the hell did you buy 6 cartons of milk?" He replied, "They had eggs."
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