Beanie Books

At primary school I had an odd teacher  who, if you did something wrong, would make you  write a letter of apology to him. If it was  really bad, you'd have to write several.  I was  new and didn't really understand the point when  I did something wrong and was told to write five letters of apology.  Not understanding, I wrote  "S O R R Y"  He went balistic on me, of course, while I stood there  wondering what his problem was.  "But you  said five letters! There are five letters!"

A woman had just returned to her home from an evening of church services when she was startled by an intruder. She caught the man in the act of robbing her home of its valuables and yelled: 'Stop! Acts 2:38!' (i.e.,  R epent and be Baptized, in the name of Jesus Christ, so that your sins may be forgiven . )   The burglar stopped dead in his tracks. The woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done. As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he asked the burglar: 'Why did you just stand there? All the old lady did was yell scripture to you.' 'Scripture?' replied the burglar. 'She said she had an Axe and Two 38s!' 

BEST EVER SENIOR  CITIZEN JOKE!  A little silver-haired lady calls her neighbor and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started." Her neighbor asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?" The  little silver haired lady says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster." Her neighbor decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster." He takes her hand and says, "Secondly, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then," he said with a deep sigh ............ (scroll down) "Let's put all the Corn Flake...

A reporter did a human-interest piece on the Texas Rangers.  The reporter recognized the Colt Model 1911 the Ranger was carrying and asked him "Why do you carry a 45?"  The Ranger responded, "Because they don't make a 46." ---------      The old sheriff was attending an awards dinner when a lady commented on his wearing his sidearm.  "Sheriff, I see you have your pistol.  Are you expecting trouble?"  He promptly replied, "No Ma'am.  If I were expecting trouble, I would have brought my shotgun."   ---------       I was once asked by a lady visiting if I had a gun in the house?  I said I did.  She said, "Well I certainly hope it isn't loaded!"  To which I said, "Of course it is loaded;   it can't work without bullets!"  She then asked, "Are you that afraid of someone evil coming into your house?"  My reply was, "No,   not at all.  I am not afraid of the house catching fire...

Guys, these underpants will enable you to fool the ladies about how big you are down there. They might help you to earn respect at the office as well. Maybe even get you a promotion! Ladies, would this get you excited?

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Upcycle Old Light Bulbs Into Candles   Use Old Books as Shelves   Repurpose Old Barrels Into a Drum Set     Use Old Lego Pieces As a Key Holder Turn An Old Bathtub Into a Love Seat     Use Your Old Computer Tower as a Mail Box   Use Paperclips to Organize Your Cables     Repurpose an Old Suitcase Into a Medicine Cabinet   Turn an Old Mini Fridge Into a TV Stand and Storage Unit     Reuse Old Kleenex Boxes as Bag Dispensers   Use An Old Hanging Shoe Rack to Organize Your Pantry   Repurpose a Card Catalogue Into a Mini Bar   Turn Old Bulletin Boards into a Jewelery Organizer   Turn Old Tennis Rackets Into Mirrors     Turn Old Credit Cards Into Guitar Picks   Create a Window Cover Using Old Picture Slides     Use Old Books to Create a Desk     Turn Old Wrenches Into Wall Hooks     Use Old C...