Beanie Books

Conception - The movie begins on the Queen Elizabeth II at Nick and Liz's wedding. The next scene is the beginning of camp...11 years and 9 months later. They are implying that the twins were conceived on that ship. Assuming camp began in June, this would mean the girls date of conception was probably in September/October but we know their birthday is October 11th so they were conceived in January. Now, if they were conceived in January, that would have been a very cold cruise across the Atlantic so fireworks would probably not have been blasted during the voyage. Camp - It is highly unlikely that the two parents would have sent their kid to the same camp at the same time...especially given the location of the camp. Drop off - No parents are seen dropping their kids off? Something is strange about that. Counselors - Why are there only two adults running this camp? Where the heck are the counselors? Boy - A boy ends up at a girl’s only camp but we see this kid later so ...

In the movie Enough Said, Julia Louis-Dreyfus plays Eva. Eva is a divorced woman who decides to pursue the man (Albert) she's interested in. She later learns that Albert is her new friend's ex-husband. The main character (Eva) is played by  Julia Louis-Dreyfus who was Elaine on Seinfeld...duh! The actor who played Eva's ex-husband (Toby Huss) was  the Wiz in a Seinfeld episode who said "I'm the Wiz and nobody beats me!" The actress who played Eva's friend Marianne was also in a Seinfeld episode . In the movie, Eva is a masseuse who offers to give her boyfriend (Albert) a massage sometime. In a Seinfeld episode, Jerry's girlfriend Jodi (Jennifer Coolidge) was a masseuse who refused to give him a massage.  Eva is often seen struggling to carry her massage table up one of her client's stairwells with no help from her client. In an episode of Seinfeld, George helps Jodi carry her massage table to the cab. After meeting, Eva goes ...

If called upon, Tom Brady could save the world. Homosexuals like turkey burgers. Thunder is just God's farts. Channing Tatum's index finger can be the topic of girl talk. Women cannot distinguish between the Darth Vader theme and a song from the Notebook. Surprisingly, insulting and talking dirty to the job interviewer can land you the job. Having sex instead of working can lead to a promotion. To party like it was the 80s, you just gotta nail a lot of girls named Stephanie. Don't trust someone on drugs with a knife. A real duck could totally beat up a stuffed bear. However, the stuffed bear can totally beat up a 35-year old human man.

Not all people in Hawaii live a perfect life. At least one woman exists who would cheat on George Clooney. Parents should give their children enough money to do something but not so much that they do nothing. Paying 35k per year for a private, boarding school won't ensure that your daughter stays sober. Teen aged girls are more civil to be around when their idiot boyfriend is around. Old people will cold cock you at a moment's notice. Some people would like retarded and old people to move faster. Beech boobs can be created by stuffing your bikini top. It is important to tell the dude that was shagging your wife behind your back that she is going to die. Porn movies are also known as masturbation movies. When your daughters use profanity around their parents, it is a sign of disrespecting authority. When your daughter's friend tells you his father died, don't say you're sorry or anything. Just give him a look as if you don't care. George Clooney...

Judd Hirsch from Taxi and Alan Alda from Mash are still working actors. Burger King employees are not allowed to have sex in the store. Burger King does not check your balls. What is invisible and smells like worms? Bird farts. A tiny vagina is a hereditary trait. Nova in Spanish means "It doesn't go" Asthma symptoms can be confused with seizures. Shoplifting $50 worth of merchandise proves that you are ready to steal $20 million. Don't trust your wallet with a thief.  Lesbians have the nicer breasts than non-lesbians. You can avoid paying a restaraunt check by planting a roach in your food. There are no episodes of Matlock where the criminal banged Matlock. The women in the French Playboy magazine are even more naked than the American version. All the security guards in a building will be distracted by a French Playboy magazine.  If an FBI agent is allergic to chocolate, you will have to knock him out cold with a pastry cart. An elderly women will...

If you want to divorce your husband, tell him at a restaurant instead of a private setting. Conan O'Brian looks like a carrot. If you think Conan O'Brien is sexy, your life may be PG-13. Cuckold is a word that is not used much anymore. 13 is not too old for a babysitter. Some 13 year olds actually spend a lot of time pondering their soul mates. The late Steve Jobs is the only one with the right to wear New Balance sneakers. New Balance sneakers are not appropriate while "picking up chicks" The skin under the eyes can resemble the ball sack of one Hugh Hefner When you want a woman to have sex with you, just say "Let's get outta here" to her and then close the deal. Men won the war of the sexes when women started doing pole dancing for exercise. All any of us can do is play our strength. To pick up women, don't talk about yourself. Don't drink watered down drinks from a straw. If you're in love with a girl, putting her scarlett...

Hilarious clip from Bridemaids   where   Kristen Wiig's character Annie argues with a teenager about nearly everything.

Cameron Diaz Professional basketball players wear condoms to prevent pregnancy then take the condoms with them so the women don't impregnate themselves with it. If you are a woman with small breasts, bigger boobs might help land a man to take care of you. Big boobs are the key. Movies are the new books. Dolphins are the humans of the sea. Later we'll all die said the gator to the fly. Jews are known to say "Thats my shpiel." Saying you want to run for president will get you punched. To settle an argument about whether Michael Jordan is better than LeBron James, you only need to mention the six titles Jordan won. Using this logic, Bill Russell is the greatest of all time. If you say the word "hate" on Christmas, you should apologize to Santa and Jesus. A kid that wears the same gymnastics sweatshirt three days a week isn't getting laid until he is 29. The textbook method to pick up a dude who is talking to another dude is to talk to one guy...

This is not taught in business school...taking $hit will help you succeed. Nobody pays you to be married to them unless you married Oprah. It sounds strange but some engaged men don't like when hot women that look like Jen Aniston try to have sex with them. It is unusual for FedEx girls to be cute. If you see one that is, be suspicious about a possible TV gag. Urinating in a playground that is next to a bar at night with no kids around will put you on the registered sexual offender list. Some bosses try to convince their employees that they need a letter of recommendation to get another job so that they will stay in their current job. The expression "trim the fat" means to fire fat people. If you can't see a woman's genitalia then she isn't naked. The economy is so bad that some men resort to doing hand jobs for $40 dollars each. If you see code words like "Wet Work" or "Fast and discreet" in an advertisement, it isn't an ad...

Asking a girl to leave after sex might make you look like a dick. You cannot trust anybody ever...especially if you're in a relationship with them. Jewelers show a "love is eternal face" to move product. Frozen peas will heal tattoo infections but they should stay in the bag. When they get to a certain age, boys are disgusting, they smell, are sticky, and leave semen all over the place. If you're in the U.S. on a tourist visa, you can't work. You are only allowed to tour. If you are on a plane and notice someone with no luggage, they might be an Air Marshall. Air Marshalls are known to carry their guns between their butt cheeks. If you ask a woman to bake anything (especially if she used to own a bakery), she will think you are trying to fix her. Calling a teenaged customer the C word will get you fired . Some people will buy an 18-wheeler just for the heck of it. Getting your a**hole bleached is great. Being the maid of honor can be very stressful....

A bachelor party can be a brunch at an IHOP. Your father-in-law is expected to hate you. There are no Long John Silvers in Thailand. Muscle relaxants and ADHD medicine can make you forget everything that took place for an entire night.. When a monkey nibbles on a penis, it is funny in any language. If you forget all the bad stuff that happens to you, it never happened. A safe place to keep your valuable bank codes and such is in the vest of a monkey drug mole. One day, maybe monkeys will be able to Skype. If you say "hello" like "hallo" it lets the person know that he is in trouble. If a promising, young, genius, future doctor loses a finger, he won't care as long as he had the time of his life. The kid's father won't care either and won't mind that his future son-in-law is partially responsible. If you return from a two day trip to Bangkok with a Mike Tyson tattoo, your bride won't mind and won't ask questions. You can earn th...

So, I just watched this piece of crap movie called Valentines Day. Here is what I learned: On Valentines Day, you don't think, you just do. Valentines Day is a weak ripoff of Love Actually. This film made Love Actually look like a masterpiece. In Kentucky, they celebrate love your cousin day. Taylor Lautner is uncomfortable taking his shirt off in public. Naughty Nymphos is a phone service that you call and have people talk dirty to you. Folks from Muncie, Indiana tend to have a problem when their girlfriend is an adult phone entertainer. There is a reason why acting is not Taylor Swift's full-time gig. Some people go to a "I Hate Valentines Day" party to whine about their problems with love. There are fifth graders that have Frank Zappa songs on their IPods.

1. Relaxing on the couch after a hard day at work when you are hungry is unacceptable. 2. Suzanne Somers has all the solutions to menopause issues. 3. Women going through the change are interested in loud, rampant sex with strangers surrounded by disapproving people. 4. Water splashing up on your nanny ( Alice Eve ) exposing her breasts to your husband and children is normal. 5. Women from Ireland don't wear bras. 6. When inviting a professional woman as your guest on a business trip, you should expect her to act like a college kid on spring break. 7. When walking through the desert, high heels are appropriate footwear. 8. Changing your clothes frequently is required for women. 9. If you make out with another dude, expect to be rewarded with a new ring by your husband. 10. When baking cookies and making a mess, wear a vintage dress that you love as opposed to something you don't care about.

1. Women generally notice when you are checking out another woman's butt even if you think you are sneaky. 2. A spank bank is a collection of photos stored in memory that are used for...well...figure it out for yourself. 3. Guys are wired to notice all women. 4. Some women hang out with unattractive women to make them appear more attractive. 5. Three shots of Tequila cost $57. 6. Allysa Millano is still hot. 7. A hall pass is a vacation from marriage. 8. If you get a hall pass, your first stop should be Applebees. 9. Some people think Chili's is a great place to pick up women. 10. There are massage parlors that only offer massages. 11. Admitting marital infidelity is preferred over attending a Kathy Griffin show. 12. Women can't tell the difference between chow and fake chow.

A moodle is a man poodle. Double bagging it prevents seepage. Guys who are skinny, have a bad job, have no career, and low self-esteem can attract a woman like Alice Eve as long as her most recent boyfriend cheated on her. If a guy shaves another guy's genitals, it is totally not gay. Only plane doctors know about cell phone usage on planes. Alice Eve is a hard 10. A person can't jump more than two points unless he is a rock star or a cartoon. Therefore, if you are a 5 out of 10, you have no chance at a 7+. Jay Baruchel is great at acting like a dork with no self-confidence. Alice Eve does not get naked in this movie (although she does get down to bra and panties). Alice Eve does get naked in Crossing Over and can be seen in a wet, see-through top in Sex and the City 2 .

No spoilers if you haven't seen this gem. 1. If your father died, you should invite someone you barely know and refer to it as "something stupid to do." 2. Spooning with your clothes on is horrible. 3. It is possible to walk into a room of women and within one minute know that they are all on their period. 4. Eating Dunkin Donut holes helps to ease emotional pain. 5. When people are in love, they say cheesy things like "I'm warning you, if you take one step closer, I'm never letting you go."

Don't read this if you haven't seen Limitless yet.The movie is pretty good. 1. NZT enables the person who ingests it to use 100% of his brain instead of the normal 10-20%. 2. If one could use 100%, he would not bother with levitation, telekinesis, or time travel. He would think it is more fun to wow people with his vast knowledge at parties. 3. NZT is powerful but it won't help you to remember to pay off the Russian gangster who will kill you if you don't repay him. 4. You can sprint on ice without sliding. 5. When being chased on ice by a man looking for NZT, grab the nearest little girl and swing her into the stalker. 6. If you run out of NZT, simply drink the blood of someone who has just taken it. 7. When the Russian gangster demands NZT, instead of giving it to him, making him smarter, you might consider giving him poison instead. 8. Keep every one of your NZT pills in your jacket so that anyone can easily take it. That is much more secure than...