Beanie Books

A bachelor party can be a brunch at an IHOP. Your father-in-law is expected to hate you. There are no Long John Silvers in Thailand. Muscle relaxants and ADHD medicine can make you forget everything that took place for an entire night.. When a monkey nibbles on a penis, it is funny in any language. If you forget all the bad stuff that happens to you, it never happened. A safe place to keep your valuable bank codes and such is in the vest of a monkey drug mole. One day, maybe monkeys will be able to Skype. If you say "hello" like "hallo" it lets the person know that he is in trouble. If a promising, young, genius, future doctor loses a finger, he won't care as long as he had the time of his life. The kid's father won't care either and won't mind that his future son-in-law is partially responsible. If you return from a two day trip to Bangkok with a Mike Tyson tattoo, your bride won't mind and won't ask questions. You can earn th...

So, I just watched this piece of crap movie called Valentines Day. Here is what I learned: On Valentines Day, you don't think, you just do. Valentines Day is a weak ripoff of Love Actually. This film made Love Actually look like a masterpiece. In Kentucky, they celebrate love your cousin day. Taylor Lautner is uncomfortable taking his shirt off in public. Naughty Nymphos is a phone service that you call and have people talk dirty to you. Folks from Muncie, Indiana tend to have a problem when their girlfriend is an adult phone entertainer. There is a reason why acting is not Taylor Swift's full-time gig. Some people go to a "I Hate Valentines Day" party to whine about their problems with love. There are fifth graders that have Frank Zappa songs on their IPods.

Don't read this if you haven't seen Limitless yet.The movie is pretty good. 1. NZT enables the person who ingests it to use 100% of his brain instead of the normal 10-20%. 2. If one could use 100%, he would not bother with levitation, telekinesis, or time travel. He would think it is more fun to wow people with his vast knowledge at parties. 3. NZT is powerful but it won't help you to remember to pay off the Russian gangster who will kill you if you don't repay him. 4. You can sprint on ice without sliding. 5. When being chased on ice by a man looking for NZT, grab the nearest little girl and swing her into the stalker. 6. If you run out of NZT, simply drink the blood of someone who has just taken it. 7. When the Russian gangster demands NZT, instead of giving it to him, making him smarter, you might consider giving him poison instead. 8. Keep every one of your NZT pills in your jacket so that anyone can easily take it. That is much more secure than...