- Not all people in Hawaii live a perfect life.
- At least one woman exists who would cheat on George Clooney.
- Parents should give their children enough money to do something but not so much that they do nothing.
- Paying 35k per year for a private, boarding school won't ensure that your daughter stays sober.
- Teen aged girls are more civil to be around when their idiot boyfriend is around.
- Old people will cold cock you at a moment's notice.
- Some people would like retarded and old people to move faster.
- Beech boobs can be created by stuffing your bikini top.
- It is important to tell the dude that was shagging your wife behind your back that she is going to die.
- Porn movies are also known as masturbation movies.
- When your daughters use profanity around their parents, it is a sign of disrespecting authority.
- When your daughter's friend tells you his father died, don't say you're sorry or anything. Just give him a look as if you don't care.
- George Clooney can put up a mediocre performance and win the Best Actor.
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