Beanie Books

  GETTING OLDER      A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office. "Is it true," she wanted to know, “that the  "medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life?" "'Yes, I'm afraid so,"' the doctor told her. There was a moment of silence before  the senior lady replied, "I'm wondering, then, just how serious is my condition because this prescription is marked 'NO REFILLS'.."      ~~~~~~~~~~ An older gentleman was   on the operating table awaiting surgery and he insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation. As he was about to get the anesthesia, he asked to speak to his son. "Yes, Dad, what is it?" "Don't be nervous, son; do your best, and just remember, if it doesn't go well, if something happens to me, your mother is going to come and live with you and your wife...."    (I LOVE IT!)    ~~~~~~~~~~    Aging: Eventually you...

DINNER IN THE FIFTIES Pasta had not been invented. It was macaroni or spaghetti. Curry was a surname. A take-away was a mathematical problem. Pizza? Sounds like a leaning tower somewhere. Bananas and oranges only appeared at Christmas time. All chips were plain. A Big Mac was what we wore when it was raining. Brown bread was something only poor people ate. Oil was for lubricating, fat was for cooking. Tea was made in a teapot using tea leaves and never green. Cubed sugar was regarded as posh. Chickens didn't have fingers in those days. None of us had ever heard of yogurt. Healthy food consisted of anything edible. Cooking outside was called camping. What is a taco  Seaweed was not a recognized food. 'Kebab' was not even a word,...

WHAT IS A GRANDPARENT? (Taken from papers written by a class of 8-year-olds) Grandparents are a lady and a man who have no little children of their own.. They like other people's. A grandfather is a man, & a grandmother is a lady! Grandparents don't have to do anything except be there when we come to see them. They are so old they shouldn't play hard or run. It is good if they drive us to the shops and give us money. When they take us for walks, they slow down past things like pretty leaves and caterpillars. They show us and talk to us about the colours of the flowers and also why we shouldn't step on 'cracks.' Usually grandmothers are fat but not too fat to tie your shoes. They wear glasses and funny underwear. They can take their teeth and gums out. Grandparents don't have to be smart. They have to answer questions like 'Why isn't God married?' and 'How come dogs chase cats?' When they rea...

GRANDPARENTS ANSWERING MACHINE Good morning. . . . At present we are not at home but, please Leave your message after you hear the beep.. beeeeeppp ... If you are one of our children, dial 1 and then select the option from 1 to 5 in order of "arrival" so we know who it is. If you need us to stay with the children, press 2 If you want to borrow the car, press 3 If you want us to wash your clothes and ironing, press 4 If you want the grandchildren to sleep here tonight, press 5 If you want us to pick up the kids at school, press 6 If you want us to prepare a meal for Sunday or to have it delivered to your home, press 7 If you want to come to eat here, press 8 If you need money, dial 9 If you are going to invite us to dinner, or, taking us to the theatre start talking we are listening !!!!!!!!!!!" Send a link to this to other grandparents, almost grandparents, or heck, send it to everyone. It will make their day.

You know you are too old to Trick or Treat when : 10. You keep knocking on your own front door. 9. You remove your false teeth to change your appearance. 8. You ask for soft high fiber candy only . 7. When someone drops a candy bar in your bag, and you lose your balance and fall over. 6. People say: 'Great Boris Karloff Mask,' And you're not wearing a mask. 5. When the door opens you yell, 'Trick or...' And you can't remember the rest. 4. By the end of the night, you have a bag full of restraining orders. 3. You have to carefully choose a costume that doesn't dislodge your hairpiece. 2. You're the only Power Ranger in the neighborhood with a walker. And the number one reason Seniors  should not  go Trick Or Treating... * * * 1. You keep having to go home to pee. No matter, have a  HAPPY HALLOWEEN!