Beanie Books

DINNER IN THE FIFTIES Pasta had not been invented. It was macaroni or spaghetti. Curry was a surname. A take-away was a mathematical problem. Pizza? Sounds like a leaning tower somewhere. Bananas and oranges only appeared at Christmas time. All chips were plain. A Big Mac was what we wore when it was raining. Brown bread was something only poor people ate. Oil was for lubricating, fat was for cooking. Tea was made in a teapot using tea leaves and never green. Cubed sugar was regarded as posh. Chickens didn't have fingers in those days. None of us had ever heard of yogurt. Healthy food consisted of anything edible. Cooking outside was called camping. What is a taco  Seaweed was not a recognized food. 'Kebab' was not even a word,...

I hate housework! You make the beds, do the dishes, and six months later you have to do it all over again!! I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and think, "Well, that's not gonna happen!" The only thing domestic about me is that I live indoors! Click here for more Maxine .

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4 Worms In Church   Four  worms and a lesson to be learned!!!!       A  minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon.   Four worms were placed into four separate jars.   The first worm was put into a container of alcohol.   The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke.   The third worm was put into a container of chocolate  syrup.   The fourth worm was put into a container of good clean soil.   At the conclusion of the sermon, the Minister reported the following results: The first worm in alcohol . . . . . ..  Dead. The  second worm in cigarette smoke . .   Dead! Third  worm in chocolate syrup . . . Dead! . Fourth  worm in good clean soil . . Alive…!       So  the Minister asked the...

So after landing my new job as a  Wal-Mart  greeter,  a good find for many retirees, I lasted less than a day...... About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman walked into the store with her two kids, Yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance. As I had  been instructed, I said pleasantly, ' Good morning  and welcome to Wal-Mart. Nice children you have there. Are they twins?' The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say, 'Hell no, they ain't  twins. The oldest one's 9, and the other one's 7. Why the hell would you think they're twins? Are you blind, or just stupid?' So I replied, 'I'm neither blind nor stupid, Ma'am, I just  couldn't believe someone slept with you twice. Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart.' My supervisor said I probably wasn't cut out for this line of work .

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After the eighty-three year old lady finished her annual physical examination, the doctor said, "You are in fine shape for your age, Mrs. Mallory, but tell me, do you still have intercourse?" "Just a minute, I'll have to ask my husband," she said.. She stepped out into the crowded reception room and yelled out loud: "Henry, do we still have intercourse?" And there was a hush!   You could hear a pin drop. Henry answered impatiently, "If I told you once, Irma, I told you a hundred times...    What we have is....... Blue Cross!!"

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One day God was looking down at earth and saw all of the rascally behavior that was going on...   So He called His angels and sent one to earth for a time.   When the angel returned, he told God,'Yes, it is bad on earth; 95% are misbehaving and only 5% are not. God thought for a moment and said, 'Maybe I had better send down a second angel to get another opinion.'   So God called another angel and sent her to earth for a time.   When the angel returned she went to God and said, 'Yes, it's true. The earth is in decline; 95% are misbehaving, but 5% are being good...' God was not pleased.   So He decided to e-mail the 5% who were good, because he wanted to encourage them, and give them a little something to help them keep going. Do you know what the e-mail said?   Okay, I was just wondering, because I didn't...

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