1. Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
2. The “LAST” thing I want to do is hurt you. (But it's still on my list).
3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people “appear” bright until… you hear them speak!
4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
6. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
8. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is “research”.
9. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was “blaming” you.
10. In filling out an application, where it says, 'In case of emergency, Notify: ________', I put 'DOCTOR'.
11. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and “still” think they are “sexy”.
12. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
13. I used to be indecisive; now I'm not so sure.
14. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
15. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a “car”. (My personal favorite)
16. You're never too old to learn something stupid.
17. I'm supposed to respect my elders, but now it's getting harder and harder for me to find one.
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