Beanie Books

Asking a girl to leave after sex might make you look like a dick. You cannot trust anybody ever...especially if you're in a relationship with them. Jewelers show a "love is eternal face" to move product. Frozen peas will heal tattoo infections but they should stay in the bag. When they get to a certain age, boys are disgusting, they smell, are sticky, and leave semen all over the place. If you're in the U.S. on a tourist visa, you can't work. You are only allowed to tour. If you are on a plane and notice someone with no luggage, they might be an Air Marshall. Air Marshalls are known to carry their guns between their butt cheeks. If you ask a woman to bake anything (especially if she used to own a bakery), she will think you are trying to fix her. Calling a teenaged customer the C word will get you fired . Some people will buy an 18-wheeler just for the heck of it. Getting your a**hole bleached is great. Being the maid of honor can be very stressful....

Can you imagine having the same car for 82 years?!!! Since this is a Rolls, is it likely it was still under warranty for the original owner? "How Long Have You Owned a Car?"    Mr. Allen Swift ( Springfield , MA.) received this 1928 Rolls-Royce Piccadilly P1 Roadster from his father, brand new - as a graduation gift in 1928. He drove it up until his death last year.....at the age of 102 !!! He was the oldest living owner of a car from new.  Just thought you'd like to see it. He donated it to a Springfield museum . It has 170,000 miles on it, still runs like a Swiss watch, dead silent at any speed and is in perfect cosmetic condition. (82 years) That's approximately 2000 miles per year. In 2006, Mr. Allen Swift donated $1 million and his Rolls-Royce to the Springfield museum...

In May, U.S. President Barack Obama went to Fort Campbell, Kentucky for a highly publicized but very private meeting with the commando team that killed Osama bin Laden. Only one of the 81 members of the super-secret  SEAL DevGru unit was identified by name: Cairo, the war dog. Cairo, like most canine members of the elite U.S. Navy SEALs, is a Belgian Malinois. The Malinois breed is similar to German shepherds but smaller and more compact, with an adult male weighing in the 30-kilo range. (German shepherds are still used as war dogs by the American military but the lighter, stubbier Malinois is considered better for the tandem parachute jumping and rappelling operations often undertaken by SEAL teams. Labrador retrievers are also favoured by various military organizations around the world.) Like their human counterparts, the dog SEALs are highly trained, highly skilled, highly motivated special ops experts, able to perform extraordinary military mission...

A bachelor party can be a brunch at an IHOP. Your father-in-law is expected to hate you. There are no Long John Silvers in Thailand. Muscle relaxants and ADHD medicine can make you forget everything that took place for an entire night.. When a monkey nibbles on a penis, it is funny in any language. If you forget all the bad stuff that happens to you, it never happened. A safe place to keep your valuable bank codes and such is in the vest of a monkey drug mole. One day, maybe monkeys will be able to Skype. If you say "hello" like "hallo" it lets the person know that he is in trouble. If a promising, young, genius, future doctor loses a finger, he won't care as long as he had the time of his life. The kid's father won't care either and won't mind that his future son-in-law is partially responsible. If you return from a two day trip to Bangkok with a Mike Tyson tattoo, your bride won't mind and won't ask questions. You can earn th...

Anderson ranks 15th out of 24 in average per pass attempt (7.338 Y.P.A.), just 4/1000th of a yard per attempt behind the great prolific Marino and well ahead of Live Ball Era Hall of Famers such as Elway (7.10 Y.P.A.) and Aikman (6.99 Y.P.A.) Anderson ranks 15th out of 24 in T.D. passes (197) Anderson ranks 12th out of 24 in passing yards (32,838), just 104 yards behind Troy Aikman (who needed 240 more attempts to get those 104 yards) Anderson ranks 11th out of 24 in completions (2,654) Anderson ranks 11th out of 24 in T.D.-INT ratio (1.23 to 1), well ahead of notable contemporaries such as Fouts (1.05 to 1). Anderson ranks 8th out of 24 in career passer rating (81.9), one of the highest marks of any quarterback who played all or part of his career in the Dead Ball Era, and ahead of Live Ball Era Hall of Famers Aikman, Moon and Elway. Anderson ranks 6th out of 24 in completion percentage ...

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