Red Skelton's tips on marriage

Red Skelton's tips on marriage

1. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage,  good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.
2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California and mine is in Texas.
3. I take my wife everywhere.....but she keeps finding her way back.
4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary? "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested the kitchen.
5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said "There are too many gadgets and no place to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair.
7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was; she told me "In the lake."
8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.
9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling "Am I too late for the garbage?"  The driver said "No, jump in!"
10. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.
11. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked "What's on the TV?" I said "Dust!"

Can't you just hear him say all of these? I love it.........this is "the old days" when humor didn't have to start with a four letter word......just clean and simple fun!

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