A bachelor party can be a brunch at an IHOP. Your father-in-law is expected to hate you. There are no Long John Silvers in Thailand. Muscle relaxants and ADHD medicine can make you forget everything that took place for an entire night.. When a monkey nibbles on a penis, it is funny in any language. If you forget all the bad stuff that happens to you, it never happened. A safe place to keep your valuable bank codes and such is in the vest of a monkey drug mole. One day, maybe monkeys will be able to Skype. If you say "hello" like "hallo" it lets the person know that he is in trouble. If a promising, young, genius, future doctor loses a finger, he won't care as long as he had the time of his life. The kid's father won't care either and won't mind that his future son-in-law is partially responsible. If you return from a two day trip to Bangkok with a Mike Tyson tattoo, your bride won't mind and won't ask questions. You can earn th
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Anderson ranks 15th out of 24 in average per pass attempt (7.338 Y.P.A.), just 4/1000th of a yard per attempt behind the great prolific Marino and well ahead of Live Ball Era Hall of Famers such as Elway (7.10 Y.P.A.) and Aikman (6.99 Y.P.A.) Anderson ranks 15th out of 24 in T.D. passes (197) Anderson ranks 12th out of 24 in passing yards (32,838), just 104 yards behind Troy Aikman (who needed 240 more attempts to get those 104 yards) Anderson ranks 11th out of 24 in completions (2,654) Anderson ranks 11th out of 24 in T.D.-INT ratio (1.23 to 1), well ahead of notable contemporaries such as Fouts (1.05 to 1). Anderson ranks 8th out of 24 in career passer rating (81.9), one of the highest marks of any quarterback who played all or part of his career in the Dead Ball Era, and ahead of Live Ball Era Hall of Famers Aikman, Moon and Elway. Anderson ranks 6th out of 24 in completion percentage (5
My job search 1. My first job was working in an Orange Juice factory , But I got canned . Couldn't concentrate . 2. Then I worked in the woods as a Lumberjack, But just couldn't hack it , so they gave me the axe . 3. After that, I tried being a Tailor, But wasn't suited for it -- mainly because it was a sew-sew j
Bjorn Borg — Bjorn Borg (1980 Wimbledon) — 24 years, 30 days Rafael Nadal (2011 French Open) — 25-2 Roger Federer (2007 Australian Open) — 25-173 Pete Sampras (1997 Wimbledon) — 25-328 Roy Emerson (1966 Australian Open) — 29-89 Rod Laver (1969 Wimbledon) — 30-330 Bill Tilden (1929 U.S. Championships) — 36-216 I found this nugget here . For some real excitement, go to the top men's tennis players of the Open Era .
Some Great Dad Advice Avoid those who leave that last sip at the bottom of their beer. Take your time mowing the lawn. Your wife might have some other stuff for you to do. When betting the NBA, don’t waste time on research. Pick a team, anything can happen. If you’re going to let yourself get fat, at least wear cool clothes and footwear. Always be a gentleman. Never be a cheapskate. Call your mother at least once a week. If you have a great dad, be sure to call him Sunday. If you don’t, remember, it could be worse. You could be Tatum O’Neal . This was found here .
George Phillips , an elderly man from Meridian, Mississippi , was going up to bed, when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. George opened the back door to go turn off the light, but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things. He phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?" He said "No," but some people are breaking into my garden shed and stealing from me." Then the police dispatcher said "All patrols are busy. You should lock your doors and an officer will be along when one is available." George said, "Okay." He hung up the phone and counted to 30. Then he phoned the police again. "Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing things from my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I just shot and killed them both; the dogs are eating
A man is sitting at home alone when he hears a knock on the front door . There are two sheriff's deputies there; he asks if there is a problem. One of the deputies asks if he is married, and if so, can he see a picture of his wife. The guy says, "Sure", and shows him a picture of his wife. The sheriff says, "I'm sorry sir, but it looks like your wife's been hit by a truck." The guy says, " I know, but she has a great personality and is an excellent cook. "
Monday, June 13th, is National LeBron James Day. Everyone gets to quit 12 minutes early. Apple just announced a new LeBron James IPhone - it has no rings, it just vibrates. LeBron should change his name to 75 cents because he is short that fourth quarter. Like mother, like son; except his mom choked on Delonte. It looks like Mavericks took their talents to South Beach. Don't lend LeBron James a dollar. He will only give you 3 quarters in return. LeBron James would do great in the NHL because they only play 3 periods. The top Miami threesome remains Beatrice Arthur, Betty White, and Rue McClanahan. It's a good thing LeBron didn't go to college. He'd have skipped the finals anyway. What's the difference between Saturn and LeBron? Saturn has rings. The U.S Military has been looking for the Invisibility Cloak and has asked LeBron James for his input. Nike has just announced that it will be installing life alert on all LeBron James shoes so that it wil
I am a huge fan of The Cars. Check out my review of their new CD over on Yahoo. Here is my ranking of all the albums by The Cars: 1. The Cars (1978) - This album won't be surpassed and is one of the greatest of all-time. 2. Candy-O (1979) - Another album full of great songs. 3. Heartbeat City (1984) - This album had big hits on it like "You Might Think", "Magic", and "Drive". 4. Move Like This (2011) - Yes, the new release is the fourth best Cars album in their catalog. 5. Door To Door (1987) - Many folks don't care for this one but I consider it to be a tad underrated. 6. Panorama (1980) - There are very good songs on this CD but a couple duds as well. 7. Shake It Up (1981) - The weakest entry in The Cars catalog but still has "Since You're Gone" and "Cruiser" on it which are both fine tunes. "Move Like This" is a worthy addition to any musi
Valentines Day: Ten things I learned watching Valentines Day with Taylor Swift, Anne Hathaway, and Julia Roberts
So, I just watched this piece of crap movie called Valentines Day. Here is what I learned: On Valentines Day, you don't think, you just do. Valentines Day is a weak ripoff of Love Actually. This film made Love Actually look like a masterpiece. In Kentucky, they celebrate love your cousin day. Taylor Lautner is uncomfortable taking his shirt off in public. Naughty Nymphos is a phone service that you call and have people talk dirty to you. Folks from Muncie, Indiana tend to have a problem when their girlfriend is an adult phone entertainer. There is a reason why acting is not Taylor Swift's full-time gig. Some people go to a "I Hate Valentines Day" party to whine about their problems with love. There are fifth graders that have Frank Zappa songs on their IPods.
Here is a look at the top men's tennis players of all-time. One can make a case for more than one player as the greatest of all-time. Opinions are welcome. The oldest player here is Jimmy Connors. It’s awfully hard to compare tennis players going back to the time of Rod Laver and Emerson and Budge and all those guys. Grand Slams are important. However, back in the 70s and 80s, the French and Australian Opens were not as important as Wimbledon and the US Open. Winning is very important but there is a lot to be said for coming in second, too. Check out the article here .