- A bachelor party can be a brunch at an IHOP.
- Your father-in-law is expected to hate you.
- There are no Long John Silvers in Thailand.
- Muscle relaxants and ADHD medicine can make you forget everything that took place for an entire night..
- When a monkey nibbles on a penis, it is funny in any language.
- If you forget all the bad stuff that happens to you, it never happened.
- A safe place to keep your valuable bank codes and such is in the vest of a monkey drug mole.
- One day, maybe monkeys will be able to Skype.
- If you say "hello" like "hallo" it lets the person know that he is in trouble.
- If a promising, young, genius, future doctor loses a finger, he won't care as long as he had the time of his life.
- The kid's father won't care either and won't mind that his future son-in-law is partially responsible.
- If you return from a two day trip to Bangkok with a Mike Tyson tattoo, your bride won't mind and won't ask questions.
- You can earn the respect of your future father-in-law by showing up to your wedding late with a Mike Tyson tattoo, nearly crashing a boat into the wedding reception, and bringing his son back with a finger missing. After that, go off on him to finish winning him over.
- Sequels are usually worse than their predecessor.
- You can try to avoid the sequels are usually worse rule by making the exact same movie.
*This is a story which is perfectly logical to all males:* A wife asks her husband, "Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk, and if they have eggs, get 6." A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk. The wife asks him, "Why the hell did you buy 6 cartons of milk?" He replied, "They had eggs."
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