Pictures - getting older jokes

The Importance of walking

Walking can add minutes to your life.
This enables you at 85 years old
to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing
home at $4,000 per month.  

 My grandpa started walking

five miles a day when he was 60.

Now he's 97 years old

and we have no idea where the hell he is.

I like long walks,

especially when they are taken

by people who annoy me.

 The only reason I would take up walking

is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.

I have to walk early in the morning,

before my brain figures out what I'm doing...  

I joined a health club last year,

spent about 250 bucks.

Haven't lost a pound.

Apparently you have to go there!

Every time I hear the dirty word 'exercise',

I wash my mouth out with chocolate.  

I do have flabby thighs,

but fortunately my stomach covers them.

The advantage of exercising every day

is so when you die, they'll say,

'Well, he looks good doesn't he.'

If you are going to try cross-country skiing,

start with a small country.

I know I got a lot of exercise

the last few years,......

just getting over the hill.  

We all get heavier as we get older,

because there's a lot more information in our heads.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

AND

Every time I start thinking too much

about how I look,

I just find a pub with a Happy Hour

and by the time I leave,

I look just fine. 

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