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Showing posts from 2017

Night Before Christmas for IT

Twas the night before crisis, and all through the house, Not a program was working, not even a browse. The programmers were wrung out, too mindless to care, Knowing chances of shipping hadn't a prayer. The users were nestled all snug in their beds, While visions of inquiries danced in their heads. When out in the lobby there arose such a clatter, That I sprang from my cube to see what was the matter. And what to my wondering eyes should appear, But a SUPER PROGRAMMER, oblivious to fear. More rapid than eagles, his programs they came, And he whistled and shouted and called them by name: On Update! On Add! On Inquiry! On Delete! On Batch Jobs! On Closing! On Functions Complete! His eyes were glazed over, his fingers were lean, From weekends and nights in front of the screen. A wink of his eye, and a twist of his head, Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread. He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work, Turning specs into code, then he

Christmas is for Love - Classic Tale

Christmas is for Love - Classic Tale Christmas is for love. It is for joy, for giving and sharing, for laughter, for reuniting with family and friends, for tinsel and brightly covered packages. But, mostly Christmas is for love. I had not believed this until a small elfin like pupil with wide innocent eyes and soft rosy cheeks gave me a wondrous gift one Christmas. Matthew was a 10 year old orphan who lived with his aunt, a bitter, middle aged woman greatly annoyed with the burden of caring for her dead sister's son. She never failed to remind young Matthew, if it hadn't been for her generosity, he would be a vagrant, homeless waif. Still, with all the scolding and chilliness at home, he was a sweet and gentle child. I had not noticed Matthew particularly until he began staying after class each day [at the risk of arousing his aunt's anger so I learned later] to help me straighten up the room. We did this quietly and comfortably, not speaking much, but enjoying the

NFL Catch Rule memes

Five Christmas Thoughts

Christmas Thoughts  . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  It’s sharing your gifts, not purchasing gifts. It’s not wrapping presents, its being present and wrapping your arms around the ones you love. It’s not getting Christmas cards out on time, It’s sending any card, anytime, at the right time. It’s not having the biggest and best Christmas light display, It’s displaying the Christ light that comes from your heart.  It’s not Santa coming down the chimney,  It’s Jesus coming down from heaven, and giving us the gift of eternal life.  Anonymous Click here to read another tale about Christmas .

Snake on barbed wire fence

Click here to see a snake eating a fish.

Inspirational Stories: The folly of clinging

The folly of clinging The little boy walked slowly into the room where his mother was sitting at her desk writing. She glanced down at him and saw that he was carrying a very precious vase that her grandmother had given her. Almost absentmindedly she said to him, “Robert, go put the vase down before you drop it and break it.” “I can’t,” he replied, “I can’t get my hand out.” “Of course you can,” she said, “you got it down there.” He said, “I know, mom, but it won’t come out.” The neck of the vase was very narrow and his hand had fit it neatly inside and it was now up to his wrist. He continued to insist that he could not get it out. Growing a little concerned, his mother called out to his dad. Dad calmly took control and began gently pulling the arm trying to extract the hand from the vase. He tried loosening it up with soapy water. Still nothing. He then got some vegetable oil from the kitchen and poured it around the wrist and let it seep into the vase. He wi

How Old Is Grandpa?

How Old Is Grandpa? Stay with this -- the answer is at the end.  It may blow you away.  One evening a grandson was talking to his grandfather about current events.  The grandson asked his grandfather what he thought about the shootings at schools, the computer age, and just things in general.  The Grandfather replied, "Well, let me think a minute, I was born before :  television  penicillin  polio shots  frozen foods  Xerox  contact lenses  Frisbees the pill There were also no : credit cards  laser beams ball-point pens Man had not yet invented : pantyhose  air conditioners  dishwashers  clothes dryers  Oh, and ... the clothes were hung out to dry in the fresh air and space travel was only in Flash Gordon books. Your Grandmother and I got married first,... and then lived together..  Every family had a father and a mother. Until I was 25, I called every woman older than me, "mam". And after I turned 25, I still called poli

The Advent Virus

The Advent Virus Anonymous via email WARNING……WARNING: ADVENT VIRUS Be on the alert for symptoms of inner  Hope, Peace, Joy and Love . The hearts of a great many have already been exposed to this virus and it is possible that people everywhere could come down with it in epidemic proportions. This could pose a serious threat to what has, up to now, been a fairly stable condition of conflict in the world. Some signs and symptoms of  The Advent Virus: A tendency to think and act spontaneously rather than on fears based on past experiences. An unmistakable ability to enjoy each moment. A loss of interest in judging other people. A loss of interest in interpreting the actions of others. A loss of interest in conflict. A loss of the ability to worry. (This is a very serious symptom.) Frequent, overwhelming episodes of appreciation. Contented feelings of connectedness with others and nature. Frequent attacks of smiling. An increasing tendency to let things happen rat

Redneck Windchime

Inspirational Stories: Changing our vision

Changing our vision There was a very wealthy man who was bothered by severe eye pain.  He consulted many physicians and was being treated by several. He did not stop consulting a galaxy of medical experts; he consumed heavy loads of drugs and underwent hundreds of injections. But the ache persisted with more vigor  than before. At last, a monk who was supposed to be an expert in treating such patients was called for by the suffering man. The monk understood his problem and said that for some time he should concentrate only on green colors  and not to let his eyes fall on any other colors . It was a strange prescription, but he was desperate and decided to try it. The millionaire got together a group of painters and purchased barrels of green paint and directed that every object his eye was likely to fall to be painted green just as the monk had directed. When the monk came to visit him after few days, the millionaire's servants ran with buckets of green paint and

Inspirational Stories: The seeker of truth

The seeker of truth After years of searching, the seeker was told to go to a cave, in which he would find a well. 'Ask the well what is truth', he was advised, 'and the well will reveal it to you'. Having found the well, the seeker asked that most fundamental question. And from the depths came the answer, 'Go to the village crossroad: there you shall find what you are seeking'. Full of hope and anticipation the man ran to the crossroad to find only three rather uninteresting shops. One shop was selling pieces of metal, another sold wood, and thin wires were for sale in the third. Nothing and no one there seemed to have much to do with the revelation of truth. Disappointed, the seeker returned to the well to demand an explanation, but he was told only, 'You will understand in the future.' When the man protested, all he got in return were the echoes of his own shouts. Indignant for having been made a fool of - or so he thought at the time

Underwear patch

If you thought this was funny, click here .

Inspirational Stories: The law of the garbage truck

  The law of the garbage truck One day I hopped in a taxi and we took off for the airport. We were driving in the right lane when suddenly a black car jumped out of a parking space right in front of us. My taxi driver slammed on his brakes, skidded, and missed the other car by just inches! The driver of the other car whipped his head around and started yelling at us. My taxi driver just smiled and waved at the guy. And I mean, he was really friendly. So I asked, 'Why did you just do that? This guy almost ruined your car and sent us to the hospital!' This is when my taxi driver taught me what I now call, 'The Law of the Garbage Truck'. He explained that many people are like garbage trucks. They run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of disappointment. As their garbage piles up, they need a place to dump it and sometimes they'll dump it on you. Don't take it personally, just smile, wave, wish them well, and move

The American Dream

An American businessman was standing at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked. Inside the small boat were several large yellowfin tuna. The American complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish. "How long did it take you to catch them?" the American asked. "Only a little while" the Mexican replied. "Why don't you stay out longer and catch more fish?" the American then asked. "I have enough to support my family's immediate needs" the Mexican said. "But" the American then asked, "What do you do with the rest of your time?" The Mexican fisherman said: "I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take a siesta with my wife, Maria, stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine and play guitar with my amigos. I have a full and busy life, senor." The American scoffed: "I am a Harvard MBA and could help

Jason Voorhees and Freddy Krueger family portrait

Inspirational Stories: The house with the golden windows

The house with the golden windows The little girl lived in a small, very simple, poor house on a hill and as she grew she would play in the small garden and as she grew she was able to see over the garden fence and across the valley to a wonderful house high on the hill - and this house had golden windows, so golden and shining that the little girl would dream of how magic it would be to grow up and live in a house with golden windows instead of an ordinary house like hers. And although she loved her parents and her family, she yearned to live in such a golden house and dreamed all day about how wonderful and exciting it must feel to live there. When she got to an age where she gained enough skill and sensibility to go outside her garden fence, she asked her mother is she could go for a bike ride outside the gate and down the lane. After pleading with her, her mother finally allowed her to go, insisting that she kept close to the house and didn't wander too far. The

Inspirational Stories: A lesson from hedgehogs

The hedgehogs It was the coldest winter ever. Many animals died because of the cold. The hedgehogs, realizing the situation, decided to group together to keep warm. This way they covered and protected themselves; but the quills of each one wounded their closest companions. After a while, they decided to distance themselves one from the other and they began to die, alone and frozen. So they had to make a choice: either accept the quills of their companions or disappear from the Earth. Wisely, they decided to go back to being together. They learned to live with the little wounds caused by the close relationship with their companions in order to receive the heat that came from the others. This way they were able to survive. The best relationship is not the one that brings together perfect people, but when each individual learns to live with the imperfections of others and can admire the other person's good qualities. Thoughtful  and Inspirational Stories

Inspirational Stories: Alzheimer's Disease - What love is all about

It was a busy morning, approximately 8:30 am, when an elderly gentleman, in his 80s arrived to have stitches removed from his thumb. He stated that he was in a hurry and that he had an appointment at 9:00 am. I took his vital signs, and had him take a seat, knowing it would be over an hour before someone would be able to see him.  I saw him looking at his watch and decided, since I was not busy with another patient, I would evaluate his wound. On exam it was well healed, so I talked to one of the doctors, got the needed supplies to remove his sutures and redressed his wound. While taking care of him, we began to engage in conversation. I asked him if he had a doctor's appointment this morning, as he was in such a hurry. The gentleman told me no, that he needed to go to the nursing home to eat breakfast with his wife. I then inquired as to her health. He told me that she had been there for a while and was a victim of Alzheimer's Disease. As we talked and I finishe

Pumpkin giving birth

Nature is wonderful...here we see an adult female pumpkin giving birth! Amazing!

Inspirational Stories: The pencil's tale

An old pencil maker took his newest pencil aside, just before he was about to pack him into a box. Imagining the little fellow as a person he recalled a few things about the pencil. “There are five things you need to know,” he said to his pencil, “before I send you out into the world. Always remember these five things - never forget them - and you will become the best pencil you can be! “The first thing is to remember that you will be able to do many great things, but only if you put yourself in someone else’s hands. “From time to time you will experience a painful sharpening, but remember that this will make you a better pencil. “Also, keep in mind that you will be able to correct any mistakes you might make along the way. “And the most important part of you is what’s on the inside. “And remember this, as well, upon every surface that you are used, you must leave your mark. No matter what else happens, you must continue to write.” It seemed the pencil li

Four reasons that Superman's disguise would fool people

Evidence against the argument that Superman's disguise wouldn't fool anyone: Dolly Parton once lost a Dolly Parton look-alike contest to a drag queen. Charlie Chaplin once failed to even place at a Charlie Chaplin impersonator contest. Hugh Jackman went to Comic-Con as Wolverine. Only two people noticed him and one of them said he was too tall. When he was filming the first Superman movie, Christopher Reeve would go to a restaurant in costume. When he went in the Superman costume he was mobbed by people all the time. When he went in the Clark Kent costume no one realized he was Christopher Reeve.

Halloween broom joke

Two brooms were hanging in the closet and after a while they got to know each other so well, they decided to get married. One broom was, of course, the bride broom, the other the groom broom.  The bride broom looked very beautiful in her white dress. The groom broom was handsome and suave in his tuxedo. The wedding was lovely. After the wedding, at the wedding dinner, the bride-broom leaned over and said to the groom-broom, 'I think I am going to have a little whisk broom!' 'IMPOSSIBLE !' said the groom broom.  Are you ready for this? Brace yourself; this is going to hurt  ! ! !  ! !   !   'WE HAVEN'T EVEN  SWEPT TOGETHER !'   Oh for goodness sake... Laugh, or at least groan. Life's too short not to enjoy...   Sounds to me like she's .......been....sweeping around!!!