Thursday, December 28, 2017

Night Before Christmas for IT


Twas the night before crisis, and all through the house, Not a program was working, not even a browse.
The programmers were wrung out, too mindless to care, Knowing chances of shipping hadn't a prayer.

The users were nestled all snug in their beds, While visions of inquiries danced in their heads.
When out in the lobby there arose such a clatter, That I sprang from my cube to see what was the matter.

And what to my wondering eyes should appear, But a SUPER PROGRAMMER, oblivious to fear.
More rapid than eagles, his programs they came,

And he whistled and shouted and called them by name:
On Update! On Add! On Inquiry! On Delete!
On Batch Jobs! On Closing! On Functions Complete!

His eyes were glazed over, his fingers were lean,
From weekends and nights in front of the screen.
A wink of his eye, and a twist of his head, Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work, Turning specs into code, then he turned with a jerk.
And laying his finger on the ENTER key,
The system came up, and worked perfectly.

The updates, updated; the deletes, they deleted; The inquiries, inquired; and the closing completed.
He tested each whistle, he tested each bell, With nary an abend, and all had gone well.

The system was finished, the tests were concluded, The client's last changes were even included!
And the client exclaimed with a snarl and a taunt, "It's just what I asked for, but NOT what I want…"

(attributed to


Merry Christmas to all, and to all a Good Night!

Tuesday, December 26, 2017

Christmas is for Love - Classic Tale



Christmas is for Love - Classic Tale

Christmas is for love. It is for joy, for giving and sharing, for laughter, for reuniting with family and friends, for tinsel and brightly covered packages. But, mostly Christmas is for love. I had not believed this until a small elfin like pupil with wide innocent eyes and soft rosy cheeks gave me a wondrous gift one Christmas.

Matthew was a 10 year old orphan who lived with his aunt, a bitter, middle aged woman greatly annoyed with the burden of caring for her dead sister's son. She never failed to remind young Matthew, if it hadn't been for her generosity, he would be a vagrant, homeless waif. Still, with all the scolding and chilliness at home, he was a sweet and gentle child.

I had not noticed Matthew particularly until he began staying after class each day [at the risk of arousing his aunt's anger so I learned later] to help me straighten up the room. We did this quietly and comfortably, not speaking much, but enjoying the solitude of that hour of the day. When we did talk, Matthew spoke mostly of his mother. Though he was quite young when she died, he remembered a kind, gentle, loving woman who always spent time with him.

As Christmas drew near however, Matthew failed to stay after school each day. I looked forward to his coming, and when the days passed and he continued to scamper hurriedly from the room after class, I stopped him one afternoon and asked him why he no longer helped me in the room. I told him how I had missed him, and his large brown eyes lit up eagerly as he replied, 'Did you really miss me?'

I explained how he had been my best helper, 'I was making you a surprise,' he whispered confidentially. 'It's for Christmas.' With that, he became embarrassed and dashed from the room. He didn't stay after school any more after that.

Finally came the last school day before Christmas. Matthew crept slowly into the room late that afternoon with his hands concealing something behind his back. 'I have your present,' he said timidly when I looked up. 'I hope you like it.' He held out his hands, and there lying in his small palms was a tiny wooden box.

'It's beautiful, Matthew. Is there something in it?' I asked opening the top to look inside. 'Oh you can't see what's in it,' he replied, 'and you can't touch it, or taste it or feel it, but mother always said it makes you feel good all the time, warm on cold nights and safe when you're all alone.'

I gazed into the empty box. 'What is it, Matthew' I asked gently, 'that will make me feel so good?'

'It's love,' he whispered softly, 'and mother always said it's best when you give it away.' He turned and quietly left the room.

So now I keep a small box crudely made of scraps of wood on the piano in my living room and only smile when inquiring friends raise quizzical eyebrows when I explain to them there is love in it.

Yes, Christmas is for gaiety, mirth, song, and for good and wondrous gifts. But mostly, Christmas is for love.

Author unknown – Internet

Tuesday, December 19, 2017

NFL Catch Rule memes



Five Christmas Thoughts


Christmas Thoughts . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 
  1. It’s sharing your gifts, not purchasing gifts.
  2. It’s not wrapping presents, its being present and wrapping your arms around the ones you love.
  3. It’s not getting Christmas cards out on time, It’s sending any card, anytime, at the right time.
  4. It’s not having the biggest and best Christmas light display, It’s displaying the Christ light that comes from your heart. 
  5. It’s not Santa coming down the chimney, 
    It’s Jesus coming down from heaven, and giving us the gift of eternal life. 


Anonymous

Monday, December 11, 2017

Inspirational Stories: The folly of clinging

The folly of clinging

The little boy walked slowly into the room where his mother was sitting at her desk writing. She glanced down at him and saw that he was carrying a very precious vase that her grandmother had given her. Almost absentmindedly she said to him, “Robert, go put the vase down before you drop it and break it.”

“I can’t,” he replied, “I can’t get my hand out.”

“Of course you can,” she said, “you got it down there.”

He said, “I know, mom, but it won’t come out.” The neck of the vase was very narrow and his hand had fit it neatly inside and it was now up to his wrist. He continued to insist that he could not get it out. Growing a little concerned, his mother called out to his dad.

Dad calmly took control and began gently pulling the arm trying to extract the hand from the vase. He tried loosening it up with soapy water. Still nothing. He then got some vegetable oil from the kitchen and poured it around the wrist and let it seep into the vase. He wiggled it some. It still did not budge.

“I give up,” the dad said in desperation. “I’d give a dollar right now to know how to get it out.”

“Really?” little Robert exclaimed. Then they heard a clinking sound and his hand slid right out of the vase. They turned the vase upside down and a penny plopped out. “What’s this?” they said in unison.

“Oh, that’s the penny I put inside. I wanted to get it out so I was clutching it in my hand. But when I heard Dad say he would give a dollar to have the vase free, I let go.”

How often do we cling to things when they are nothing in comparison to what could be ours?

From Thoughtful and Inspirational Stories

Wednesday, December 6, 2017

How Old Is Grandpa?

How Old Is Grandpa?




Stay with this -- the answer is at the end. It may blow you away. 

One evening a grandson was talking to his grandfather about current events. 

The grandson asked his grandfather what he thought about the shootings at schools, the computer age, and just things in general. 

The Grandfather replied, "Well, let me think a minute, I was born before

  1. television 
  2. penicillin 
  3. polio shots 
  4. frozen foods 
  5. Xerox 
  6. contact lenses 
  7. Frisbees
  8. the pill
There were also no:
  1. credit cards 
  2. laser beams
  3. ball-point pens
Man had not yet invented:
  1. pantyhose 
  2. air conditioners 
  3. dishwashers 
  4. clothes dryers 

Oh, and...
  1. the clothes were hung out to dry in the fresh air and space travel was only in Flash Gordon books.
  2. Your Grandmother and I got married first,... and then lived together.. 
  3. Every family had a father and a mother. Until I was 25, I called every woman older than me, "mam". And after I turned 25, I still called policemen and every man with a title, "Sir". 
  4. We were before gay-rights, computer-dating, dual careers, daycare centers, and group therapy. 
  5. Our lives were governed by the Bible, good judgment, and common sense. We were taught to know the difference between right and wrong and to stand up and take responsibility for our actions. 
  6. Serving your country was a privilege; living in this country was a bigger privilege... We thought fast food was eating half a biscuit while running to catch the school bus. 
  7. Having a meaningful relationship meant getting along with your cousins. 
  8. Draft dodgers were those who closed front doors as the evening breeze started.
  9. Time-sharing meant time the family spent together in the evenings and weekends-not purchasing condominiums. 
  10. We never heard of FM radios, tape decks, CDs, electric typewriters, yogurt, or guys wearing earrings. 
  11. We listened to Big Bands, Jack Benny, and the President's speeches on our radios. And I don't ever remember any kid blowing his brains out listening to Tommy Dorsey. 
  12. If you saw anything with 'Made in Japan ' on it, it was junk. 
  13. The term 'making out' referred to how you did on your school exam.... 
  14. Pizza Hut, McDonald's, and instant coffee were unheard of. 
  15. We had 5 &10-cent stores where you could actually buy things for 5 and 10 cents. Ice-cream cones, phone calls, rides on a streetcar, and a Pepsi were all a nickel. And if you didn't want to splurge, you could spend your nickel on enough stamps to mail 1 letter and 2 postcards. 
  16. You could buy a new Ford Coupe for $600, ... but who could afford one? Too bad, because gas was 11 cents a gallon.

In my day

  1. "grass" was mowed, 
  2. "coke" was a cold drink, 
  3. "pot" was something your mother cooked in and 
  4. "rock music" was your grandmother's lullaby. 
  5. "Aids" were helpers in the Principal's office, 
  6. "chip" meant a piece of wood,
  7. "hardware" was found in a hardware store and 
  8. "software" wasn't even a word.
  9. we were the last generation to actually believe that a lady needed a husband to have a baby.
How old do you think I am?

I bet you have this old man in mind...you are in for a shock! 
Read on to see -- pretty scary if you think about it and pretty sad at the same time.

Are you ready ?????






This man would be 70 years old today.   70 years ago was 1947.


GIVES YOU SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT... SEND A LINK TO THIS ON TO THE OLD ONES, The younger generation would not understand.




Monday, December 4, 2017

The Advent Virus

The Advent Virus

Anonymous via email
WARNING……WARNING: ADVENT VIRUS

Be on the alert for symptoms of inner Hope, Peace, Joy and Love. The hearts of a great many have already been exposed to this virus and it is possible that people everywhere could come down with it in epidemic proportions. This could pose a serious threat to what has, up to now, been a fairly stable condition of conflict in the world.

Some signs and symptoms of The Advent Virus:
  • A tendency to think and act spontaneously rather than on fears based on past experiences.
  • An unmistakable ability to enjoy each moment.
  • A loss of interest in judging other people.
  • A loss of interest in interpreting the actions of others.
  • A loss of interest in conflict.
  • A loss of the ability to worry. (This is a very serious symptom.)
  • Frequent, overwhelming episodes of appreciation.
  • Contented feelings of connectedness with others and nature.
  • Frequent attacks of smiling.
  • An increasing tendency to let things happen rather than make them happen.
  • An increased susceptibility to the love extended by others as well as the uncontrollable urge to extend it.

Please send a link to this warning out to all your friends. This virus can and has affected many systems. Some systems have been completely cleaned out because of it.


Monday, November 27, 2017

Inspirational Stories: Changing our vision

Changing our vision

There was a very wealthy man who was bothered by severe eye pain. 

He consulted many physicians and was being treated by several. He did not stop consulting a galaxy of medical experts; he consumed heavy loads of drugs and underwent hundreds of injections. But the ache persisted with more vigor than before.

At last, a monk who was supposed to be an expert in treating such patients was called for by the suffering man. The monk understood his problem and said that for some time he should concentrate only on green colors and not to let his eyes fall on any other colors. It was a strange prescription, but he was desperate and decided to try it.

The millionaire got together a group of painters and purchased barrels of green paint and directed that every object his eye was likely to fall to be painted green just as the monk had directed. When the monk came to visit him after few days, the millionaire's servants ran with buckets of green paint and poured it on him since he was in red dress, lest their master see any other color and his eye ache would come back.

Hearing this, the monk laughed and said "If only you had purchased a pair of green spectacles, worth just a few dollars, you could have saved these walls and trees and pots and all other articles and also could have saved a large share of his fortune. You cannot paint the world green."

Let us change our vision and the world will appear accordingly. It is foolish to shape the world, let us shape ourselves first.

Inspirational and Thoughtful Stories

Monday, November 20, 2017

Inspirational Stories: The seeker of truth


The seeker of truth

After years of searching, the seeker was told to go to a cave, in which he would find a well. 'Ask the well what is truth', he was advised, 'and the well will reveal it to you'. Having found the well, the seeker asked that most fundamental question. And from the depths came the answer, 'Go to the village crossroad: there you shall find what you are seeking'.

Full of hope and anticipation the man ran to the crossroad to find only three rather uninteresting shops. One shop was selling pieces of metal, another sold wood, and thin wires were for sale in the third. Nothing and no one there seemed to have much to do with the revelation of truth.

Disappointed, the seeker returned to the well to demand an explanation, but he was told only, 'You will understand in the future.' When the man protested, all he got in return were the echoes of his own shouts. Indignant for having been made a fool of - or so he thought at the time - the seeker continued his wanderings in search of truth. As years went by, the memory of his experience at the well gradually faded until one night, while he was walking in the moonlight, the sound of sitar music caught his attention. It was wonderful music and it was played with great mastery and inspiration.

Profoundly moved, the truth seeker felt drawn towards the player. He looked at the fingers dancing over the strings. He became aware of the sitar itself. And then suddenly he exploded in a cry of joyous recognition: the sitar was made out of wires and pieces of metal and wood just like those he had once seen in the three stores and had thought it to be without any particular significance.

At last he understood the message of the well: we have already been given everything we need: our task is to assemble and use it in the appropriate way. Nothing is meaningful so long as we perceive only separate fragments. But as soon as the fragments come together into a synthesis, a new entity emerges, whose nature we could not have foreseen by considering the fragments alone.

Inspirational stories

Monday, November 13, 2017

Underwear patch


Inspirational Stories: The law of the garbage truck


 The law of the garbage truck

One day I hopped in a taxi and we took off for the airport. We were driving in the right lane when suddenly a black car jumped out of a parking space right in front of us. My taxi driver slammed on his brakes, skidded, and missed the other car by just inches!

The driver of the other car whipped his head around and started yelling at us. My taxi driver just smiled and waved at the guy. And I mean, he was really friendly. So I asked, 'Why did you just do that? This guy almost ruined your car and sent us to the hospital!' This is when my taxi driver taught me what I now call, 'The Law of the Garbage Truck'.

He explained that many people are like garbage trucks. They run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of disappointment. As their garbage piles up, they need a place to dump it and sometimes they'll dump it on you. Don't take it personally, just smile, wave, wish them well, and move on. Don't take their garbage and spread it to other people at work, at home, or on the streets.

Wednesday, November 8, 2017

The American Dream


An American businessman was standing at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked. Inside the small boat were several large yellowfin tuna. The American complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish.

"How long did it take you to catch them?" the American asked.

"Only a little while" the Mexican replied.

"Why don't you stay out longer and catch more fish?" the American then asked.

"I have enough to support my family's immediate needs" the Mexican said.

"But" the American then asked, "What do you do with the rest of your time?"

The Mexican fisherman said: "I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take a siesta with my wife, Maria, stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine and play guitar with my amigos. I have a full and busy life, senor."

The American scoffed: "I am a Harvard MBA and could help you. You should spend more time fishing and with the proceeds you could buy a bigger boat and, with the proceeds from the bigger boat, you could buy several boats. Eventually you would have a fleet of fishing boats. Instead of selling your catch to a middleman, you would sell directly to the consumers, eventually opening your own can factory. You would control the product, processing and distribution. You would need to leave this small coastal fishing village and move to Mexico City, then LA and eventually NYC where you will run your expanding enterprise."

The Mexican fisherman asked: "But senor, how long will this all take?"

To which the American replied: "15-20 years."

"But what then, senor?"

The American laughed and said: "That's the best part. When the time is right, you would announce an IPO - an Initial Public Offering - and sell your company stock to the public and become very rich. You would make millions."

"Millions, senor? Then what?"

The American said slowly: "Then you would retire. Move to a small coastal fishing village where you would sleep late, fish a little, play with your kids, take a siesta with your wife, stroll to the village in the evenings where you could sip wine and play your guitar with your amigos..."

Thoughtful and Inspirational Stories

Monday, October 30, 2017

Jason Voorhees and Freddy Krueger family portrait


Inspirational Stories: The house with the golden windows

The house with the golden windows

The little girl lived in a small, very simple, poor house on a hill and as she grew she would play in the small garden and as she grew she was able to see over the garden fence and across the valley to a wonderful house high on the hill - and this house had golden windows, so golden and shining that the little girl would dream of how magic it would be to grow up and live in a house with golden windows instead of an ordinary house like hers.

And although she loved her parents and her family, she yearned to live in such a golden house and dreamed all day about how wonderful and exciting it must feel to live there.

When she got to an age where she gained enough skill and sensibility to go outside her garden fence, she asked her mother is she could go for a bike ride outside the gate and down the lane. After pleading with her, her mother finally allowed her to go, insisting that she kept close to the house and didn't wander too far. The day was beautiful and the little girl knew exactly where she was heading! Down the lane and across the valley, she rode her bike until she got to the gate of the golden house across on the other hill.

As she dismounted her bike and lent it against the gate post, she focused on the path that lead to the house and then on the house itself...and was so disappointed as she realized all the windows were plain and rather dirty, reflecting nothing other than the sad neglect of the house that stood derelict.

So sad she didn't go any further and turned, heartbroken as she remounted her bike ... As she glanced up she saw a sight to amaze her...there across the way on her side of the valley was a little house and its windows glistened golden ...as the sun shone on her little home.

She realized that she had been living in her golden house and all the love and care she found there was what made her home the 'golden house'. Everything she dreamed was right there in front of her nose!

From Thoughtful and Inspirational Stories

Monday, October 23, 2017

Inspirational Stories: A lesson from hedgehogs

The hedgehogs

It was the coldest winter ever. Many animals died because of the cold.

The hedgehogs, realizing the situation, decided to group together to keep warm. This way they covered and protected themselves; but the quills of each one wounded their closest companions.

After a while, they decided to distance themselves one from the other and they began to die, alone and frozen. So they had to make a choice: either accept the quills of their companions or disappear from the Earth.

Wisely, they decided to go back to being together. They learned to live with the little wounds caused by the close relationship with their companions in order to receive the heat that came from the others. This way they were able to survive.

The best relationship is not the one that brings together perfect people, but when each individual learns to live with the imperfections of others and can admire the other person's good qualities.

Thoughtful and Inspirational Stories

Monday, October 16, 2017

Inspirational Stories: Alzheimer's Disease - What love is all about

It was a busy morning, approximately 8:30 am, when an elderly gentleman, in his 80s arrived to have stitches removed from his thumb. He stated that he was in a hurry and that he had an appointment at 9:00 am. I took his vital signs, and had him take a seat, knowing it would be over an hour before someone would be able to see him. 

I saw him looking at his watch and decided, since I was not busy with another patient, I would evaluate his wound.

On exam it was well healed, so I talked to one of the doctors, got the needed supplies to remove his sutures and redressed his wound. While taking care of him, we began to engage in conversation. I asked him if he had a doctor's appointment this morning, as he was in such a hurry. The gentleman told me no, that he needed to go to the nursing home to eat breakfast with his wife. I then inquired as to her health. He told me that she had been there for a while and was a victim of Alzheimer's Disease.

As we talked and I finished dressing his wound, I asked if she would be worried if he was a bit late. He replied that she no longer knew who he was, and hadn't recognized him in five years. I was surprised, and asked him, "And you still go every morning, even though she doesn't know who you are?" He smiled and patted my hand and said, "She doesn't know me, but I still know who she is."

Inspirational stories

Tuesday, October 10, 2017

Pumpkin giving birth

Nature is wonderful...here we see an adult female pumpkin giving birth! Amazing!




Monday, October 9, 2017

Inspirational Stories: The pencil's tale

An old pencil maker took his newest pencil aside, just before he was about to pack him into a box. Imagining the little fellow as a person he recalled a few things about the pencil.

“There are five things you need to know,” he said to his pencil, “before I send you out into the world. Always remember these five things - never forget them - and you will become the best pencil you can be!

“The first thing is to remember that you will be able to do many great things, but only if you put yourself in someone else’s hands.

“From time to time you will experience a painful sharpening, but remember that this will make you a better pencil.

“Also, keep in mind that you will be able to correct any mistakes you might make along the way.

“And the most important part of you is what’s on the inside.

“And remember this, as well, upon every surface that you are used, you must leave your mark. No matter what else happens, you must continue to write.”

It seemed the pencil listened to him and promised he would remember these five things so that he could live his life with heart and purpose.

Friday, October 6, 2017

Four reasons that Superman's disguise would fool people

Evidence against the argument that Superman's disguise wouldn't fool anyone:

  1. Dolly Parton once lost a Dolly Parton look-alike contest to a drag queen.
  2. Charlie Chaplin once failed to even place at a Charlie Chaplin impersonator contest.
  3. Hugh Jackman went to Comic-Con as Wolverine. Only two people noticed him and one of them said he was too tall.
  4. When he was filming the first Superman movie, Christopher Reeve would go to a restaurant in costume. When he went in the Superman costume he was mobbed by people all the time. When he went in the Clark Kent costume no one realized he was Christopher Reeve.

Tuesday, October 3, 2017

Halloween broom joke



Two brooms were hanging in the closet and after a while they got to know each other so well, they decided to get married.

One broom was, of course, the bride broom, the other the groom broom. 

The bride broom looked very beautiful in her white dress. The groom broom was handsome and suave in his tuxedo. The wedding was lovely.

After the wedding, at the wedding dinner, the bride-broom leaned over and said to the groom-broom, 'I think I am going to have a little whisk broom!'

'IMPOSSIBLE !' said the groom broom. 

Are you ready for this?
Brace yourself; this is going to hurt
 ! !! !! ! 









'WE HAVEN'T EVEN SWEPT TOGETHER!' 



Oh for goodness sake... Laugh, or at least groan.
Life's too short not to enjoy...
 
Sounds to me like she's .......been....sweeping around!!!



Monday, October 2, 2017

Inspirational Stories: Geese flying in a "V" formation


This Autumn, when you see geese heading south for the winter, flying in a "V" formation, you might consider what science has discovered as to why they fly that way. As each bird flaps its wings, it creates an uplift for the bird immediately following. By flying in a "V" formation, the whole flock adds at least 71 percent greater flying range than if each bird flew on its own. 

People who share a common direction and sense of community can get where they are going more quickly and easily, because they are travelling on the thrust of one another.

When a goose falls out of formation, it suddenly feels the drag and resistance of trying to go it alone and quickly gets back into formation to take advantage of the lifting power of the bird in front. If we have the sense of a goose, we will stay in formation with those people who are heading the same way we are.

When the head goose gets tired, it rotates back in the wing and another goose flies point. It is sensible to take turns doing demanding jobs, whether with people or with geese flying south.

Geese honk from behind to encourage those up front to keep up their speed. What message do we give when we honk from behind?

Finally - and this is important - when a goose gets sick or is wounded by gunshot, and falls out of the formation, two other geese fall out with that goose and follow it down to lend help and protection. They stay with the fallen goose until it is able to fly or until it dies; and only then do they launch out on their own, or with another formation to catch up with their own group.  

If we have the sense of a goose, we will stand by each other like that.

Thoughtful and Inspirational Stories